Coaching Blog
The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

​You may know the feeling. You applied for an exciting job opportunity, expressed interest in a potential romantic match or applied to occupy the home of your dreams and then you receive the unfavorable response. You have not been selected.
 
That immediate feeling of hurt, rejection and simply not being “good enough” sets in. And this is the exact moment where you need to stop yourself from going down the road of negative reflection, the further you go down that path the longer you have to get back on track. Instead, choose to be redirected and here is how.

​Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack who struggled with communicating effectively with his wife, Jane. He would often get defensive and shut down during arguments, causing tension and frustration in their relationship.

One day, Jack decided he needed to make a change. He had heard about a technique called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which could help him improve his communication skills and build stronger relationships.
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With the help of an NLP coach, Jack learned a variety of tools and techniques to improve his communication with Jane. Here are a few of the most effective techniques he learned:

​Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts and assumptions that hold us back from achieving our goals and reaching our full potential. They can be deeply ingrained and often go unnoticed, but they can have a significant impact on our lives if left unchecked. In this article, we'll explore some effective ways to manage limiting beliefs and overcome your inner critic.
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Identify Your Limiting Beliefs
The first step in managing limiting beliefs is to identify them. Start by paying attention to your inner dialogue and noticing any negative thoughts that come up. These thoughts might include things like "I'm not good enough" or "I'll never be able to do that." Once you've identified your limiting beliefs, write them down and examine them more closely. Ask yourself whether these beliefs are based on facts or whether they are simply assumptions.

There is nothing like being comfy and cozy in our comfort zones. Right? The problem with that is, of course, that we can’t change or grow if we hold on to our comfort zones. As Susan wrote in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “Most of us operate within a zone that feels right, and outside of it we are uncomfortable. For each one of us that zone of comfort is different, but whether we are aware of it or not, all of us—rich or poor, famous or unknown, gay or straight, male or female or whatever our gender identity— make decisions based on the confines of that comfortable space.”

While we may feel secure in our comfort zone, we likely are living with the pain of neediness and the fear of change. While comfort zones can make us feel secure, they also keep us from feeling powerful. If we want to grow, to experience, to learn, we have to start moving out of complacency in that comfortable space. We have to start expanding our boundaries. To do so, we have to take action, we have to put in the work—even if it means being uncomfortable. That is the only way we can know our own power.

While self-esteem is an indication of how you see your value and worth, it can affect relationships, career, motivation, behaviour, and wellbeing. In short, self-esteem can significantly increase or decrease the overall quality of your life. 
 
A healthy self-esteem allows you to acknowledge your potential, set healthy boundaries, have a clear understanding of your needs and strengths, feel a sense of belonging, as well as feel courageous enough to grow, take risks and seize opportunities. 
 
Remaining in a healthy state, similar to physical exercise, requires regular efforts and attention. It may be hard, but it will prove to be worth the effort and time investment. In order to cultivate a healthy self-esteem, here are five suggested exercises that you could implement in your day-to-day life. 

​With leaders advocating for individual progress and team success, coaching is essential to career satisfaction, retention and employee wellbeing and plays a critical role in achieving fulfilment. 

Coaching is more than just talking
It's a collaborative, thought-provoking process involving the coach and the client working together to identify core values, individual strengths, and areas for growth to overcome obstacles that stand in the way of fulfilment.

In the corporate world, this Alliance can have a transformative impact, helping leaders and employees navigate complex challenges, improve communication, and enhance overall performance through, for example, understanding someone else's perspective.

Providing leaders and employees with the support and guidance they need to feel fulfilled is essential for any successful business.

1. Coaching helps individuals identify their core values and align their work with those values, promoting fulfilment and improving overall performance.

When employees are clear on their values and align them with their work, they are likelier to feel a sense of purpose and fulfilment every day.

Coaching helps identify those core values and explores how to integrate them into work. This process is what leads to a more meaningful and fulfilling work experience.  

The first and most important step is to realize and truly acknowledge that unless you take care of yourself nobody else can or will. When I say, “truly acknowledge”, I mean that you have accepted the following:

• There is always another choice; to do, or not to do / to say, or not to say!
• You are comfortable – saying “no” when necessary, knowing a “yes” does not serve you / is going to take something from you; time, energy, emotional stability.
• You recognize when you have allowed yourself to slip into “victim mode”, have stayed there too long, and are ready to take your power back.
• You know how to make, create, or find the time for yourself, and on the occasions when there simply is no time … you know to do a couple of minutes of deep breathing!

 
These are a few examples, expressed in simple terms: You have taken charge of your life, know your Values and maintain your Personal Power. You can live your life … it does not have to be living you!

If you recognize the warning signs of impending burnout in yourself; remember that it will only get worse if you leave it alone. But if you take steps to get your life back into balance, you can prevent burnout from becoming a full-blown breakdown.

Read on for some tips:

I am a big believer that moving forward means improving the existing quality of your life. Of course reaching goals and increasing your performance it important. How you feel while you are doing this is what I believe makes up for quality of life.

You can be reaching goals and increasing your performance by pushing through, being competitive while running on an empty battery. At some point your body and emotional self will not be able to keep up.

To increase your quality of life I suggest doing things differently or adding something entirely new to your routine. Maybe this is changing your location or job, or even friends, these are big changes. How about starting with getting rid of some behaviour patterns that no longer serve you? Replace them with behaviour patterns that do serve you.

I love personal growth & development. My personal as well as professional experience can vouch for that each step taken, even small steps, results in change. Imagine climbing up a ladder. With each step your view changes and brings a new perspective.
 
 Make the kind of changes that stick!
 
Life changes all the time, sometimes daily. During your lifetime you never stop growing, developing and learning, which of course means changing. If you resist this, you run the risk of staying stuck.
 
Here is how you start:

Why is responding ignored? Is it not a sign of respect, a sign of kindness just to respond with 1 word even? Is it time consuming? 

I know that we receive nowadays many invitations, many marketing materials, people reaching out to people to either connect or find synergies. An over flux of information that a busy professional cant always follow or has the desire even to spend energy on a response. Or spend time on it as we are overloaded and feeling exhausted. 

If you put yourself in the shoes of the person who asked and you don’t get a response, how would you feel? Offended, not taken seriously, not being recognized?
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As business owners, we reach out to people, and I do the same. On the other hand, I receive lots of requests as well, offers and marketing requests via email, over Instagram, Facebook and Linkedin.

Staying calm and grounded requires certain behaviors that feed being calm and grounded.

Each person will have his/her own requirements to feel calm and grounded.
The actions you need to take are unique to you and will most likely differ from those others need to take.
Just as each person has his/her own interpretation of success, each person has an individual feeling calmness and being grounded. Listen to yourself to know what is best for you.

Based on my own personal experience, this also changes depending on age:
When I was 30, my focus was very different to 40.

• At 30 I was focused on creating my family and being a wife and mother.
• At 40 I was involved with my children’s education and day to day life. I was not thinking of my goals. I did not really have any beyond my children’s wellbeing and development.
• At 50 I noticed that I had to get to know myself much better and feeling at peace and fulfilled became my goal. I found my purpose late but am thrilled it involves supporting others to grow.
• Turning 60 was fabulous as I had completely grown into my skin by then and was more than happy to focus on my core values and needs and knew exactly what grounds me and offers me that wonderful sense of calm.
• Approaching 70, my new goal is answering the question, "How do I want this next chapter of my life to look and feel?"

I have no complaints or regrets and admire the younger people I work with on their personal development while achieving and striving for their goals. I was never like that but love how my life was and is moving forward.  

You will know what is right for you. Follow your heart and remember that you cannot take anything with you. No matter what you achieve and how much you earn, how you feel along the way is just as important. 

By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development, Self-help author since 2014. 

Photo credit: Pexels

We all come from struggles, and without self-awareness and the ability to manage our emotions, we often unconsciously lead from a place of hurt. In the worst cases, we use a position of power to fill a self-worth gap and end up projecting our pain onto others, causing severe trust issues such as:
▸ being in comparison mode

▸ taking credit for ideas that aren't ours

▸ always knowing instead of learning

▸ seeking too much the approval and acceptance from colleagues

▸ seeking recognition and success through unproductive competition at the expense of colleagues

▸ suffocating innovation and creativity

▸ fostering disengagement and a destructive culture

We all know the feeling—angry, upset, and sad because the world is making our life less than perfect. Our boss is mean, our friends aren’t there for us, other drivers cut us off in traffic, the store clerk was rude, we got a surprise bill from the electric company. On and on, we have so many miseries that are not our fault.
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Susan wrote in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “We all have a tendency to look around for someone to blame if things are not working out to our liking.” Blaming others of things outside our control means we are not taking responsibility for ourselves. Blame makes us into an injured party who has no control, who lets the world beat them down, who doesn’t respect themselves, who lives in misery.

In Chapter 4, “Whether You Want It or Not…It’s Yours,” Susan talks a lot about taking responsibility for our own lives. As adults, we often feel that we are burdened with lots of responsibility. But responsibility for your day-to-day living is far different than taking responsibility for how you react to your day-to-day living.

Addressing the issue would bring clarity and awareness. Yet talking about a topic that in fact is affecting everybody in some way or another is avoided. The problem could be dealt with, and a sense of clarity, peace, and calm could return if only the issue could be discussed. Yet the elephant, the sometimes very large elephant, is ignored. Its existence is denied.
Imagine you are in a situation with an elephant in the room. For example, let us say the issue is a miscommunication. It is painfully obvious you are walking around the elephant. The air is so thick you could cut it, anybody entering the room can feel the bad energy, it is that obvious. Rather than clarifying the issue, you mask your hurt, confusion, frustration, or anger by being superficial and polite. If someone asks you what is wrong or if you’re okay, you answer: “Nothing” or “I am fine.”

Think about it, your polite “I am fine” in response is in fact a miscommunication. You are doing exactly what hurt, confused, frustrated, or made you angry… not communicating openly. You are withholding the truth by not communicating it.
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Depending on the issue and to communicate more openly, consider saying one of the following statements:

These are a sample of options you have when in need of some stress relief:

• Take a break and leave the room. Find a quiet space, even the loo will do.  
• Compose yourself by taking at least 3 breaths. As you exhale, imagine a little bit of the tension leaving your body. (I find visualizing a dark cloud dissipating helpful.)
• Gather your thoughts.  
• Keep your focus on exactly what has been going on that is causing you the stress. Is it the task itself? How about more basic such as hunger or the space around you?
• Does it will involve another person or people… What is missing?  
• Once you know specifically what has thrown you out of balance, think about what can you do now to influence the situation.
• Consider all the steps required to find a solution. Make a list, if only a mental list.  
• What can you do today, right now?  Arrange your list in terms of priority. What has to be done first, then what?  
• Consider the practicalities of your action plan. Is it realistic? Have you the time?  
• Do you need advice or support? If so, whose?  
• Fine-tune the steps you consider necessary to resolve the situation. Keep things realistic to avoid feeling pressure.
• Having thought things through you may find the problem has changed in perspective. Adjust the plan accordingly.

It is most import to ensure that any action you propose to take is in keeping with your personality and can be executed in a style that suits you.
 
by Suzie Doscher, Executive and Life Coach, Self-Help Author 
Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments 
3rd editon out now in any Amazon store worldwide 
Narrated by Suzie Doscher on Audible and iTunes.

Photo by Shutterstock

Listen to excerpts from the Audiobook:
​Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments by Suzie Doscher
​iTunes or Audible

❌ I want somebody to fix the problems in my life - the right coach will question, listen, reflect and challenge you to think in new, more resourceful ways but will NOT “solve” anything for you. If you’re not committed to do the work, event the best coach can’t help.
 
❌ I need help with psychological issues - if you’re dealing with depression, anxiety or a mental illness, you need a trained therapist. A coach will focus primarily on your future helping you discover new ways of acting and thinking, rather than dealing too much with your past. 
 
❌ I need a wise friend - a good coach is NOT your friend and needs to  have the impartial ability to hold that bigger vision that will help you attain your full potential. Family and friends are not impartial. They are too close to your situation, which can limit their vision of your potential.  
 
✅ Something wonderful has happened - positive change can be exciting and challenging simultaneously. Big transitions such as a new job or career, can have a huge impact on other areas of your life. This makes them the perfect opportunity to get a renewed sense of Who You Are and most want to become.
 
✅ Something terrible has happened - a qualified coach can provide a compassionate and safe space for you to process and learn from the struggle so you can expand and move forward.