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3 Anti-Skills That Will Make You Emotionally Strong

27/1/2022

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Let go of your expectations
Most people assume that the solution to their emotional struggles is to do more:
  • I’m feeling anxious, so I need to do some kind of coping skill like deep breathing or mindfulness meditation to calm myself down.
  • I’m feeling angry at the memory of the abuse I suffered as a child so I need to try and understand and analyze why they did that to me.
  • I’m feeling sad that my daughter has left and gone away to college so I should probably call her.
But here’s the problem…
The more you do to try and get rid of emotions directly, the stronger they’ll get.
Take sadness, for example:
  • If every time you feel sad, you immediately try to get rid of it by doing something, you’re teaching your brain that it’s bad to feel sad.
  • This means the next time you feel sad, you’re going to feel fear and shame on top of the sadness.
The solution is to develop emotional anti-skills.
A skill is when you learn how to do something in order to achieve a positive outcome; an anti-skill is learning how to not do something in order to achieve a positive outcome.

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3 Small Habits That Will Make You Mentally Strong

13/1/2022

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Resist unnecessary mental time travel
Here’s how I think about mental strength:
Mental strength is the ability to control your mind instead of being controlled by it.
For example:
  • Instead of getting sucked into spirals of self-criticism and shame, mental strength is what allows you to redirect your attention and thinking somewhere else less destructive — like that conversation you’re having with your son or the report you’re supposed to be drafting.
  • Rather than impulsively responding to your spouse’s sarcastic comment with a witty jab of your own, you are able to resist the impulse and either say nothing or mention assertively that you don’t appreciate the sarcasm.
Now, obviously there are aspects of your mind that you can’t control… Whether a specific memory pops into mind, for example. Or whether you feel afraid of almost getting run over by a car.

So becoming mentally strong doesn’t mean you are able to exert complete control over everything that goes on between your ears.
​
Mental strength means understanding which parts of your mind you can control and being able to do it well when it matters. For example:

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