Coaching Blog
The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

By Suzie Doscher

​Being subjected to passive aggressive behaviour from anybody, could be in a shop, at home, in school or at work can be not only confusing, but also hurtful and uncomfortable.
Frequently passive-aggressive behaviour and manner of speaking come from someone who has not learned how to express emotions, let alone negative ones. Instead of being in touch with their feelings, they redirect these emotions in a passive-aggressive manner. Sometimes the person is not even aware of this.
Obviously this is a generalization and in no way should be thought of as the truth for everybody who behaves passive-aggressively. Sometimes people are just having a bad day and letting it out with inconsiderate and disrespectful manners.

Common characteristics of passive-aggressive people:

• Difficulty explaining the reason for their anger; they might not even know what lies underneath it all
• Regular negative and aggressive behaviours
• Unreasonable
• Blaming others for personal failures
• Exaggerating the depth of problems
• Feeling unappreciated or misunderstood
• Negative, even when things are going well

 
Many cultures teach from a young age to suppress negative feelings, some even encourage to suppress all feelings and hide behind extreme politeness! Think of the famous 'stiff upper lip.' Not allowing your feelings to surface, as well as not expressing emotions. can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour. We are emotional beings -- we all have emotions, even if we do not always like what we are feeling.

Here are some helpful tips to deal with passive-aggressive people:

• The first step is not to allow yourself be drawn into a power struggle.
• You do this by noticing the other person's behaviour and finding a way to see it for what it is: uncalled for aggressive words or behaviour directed either at you or into the room.
• Attempt to 'ac, not react.' Buy yourself some time to understand what is going on. If it is too difficult to do so in that very moment, excuse yourself and find a place where you can stay for a few minutes to gather your thoughts. When and if at all possible, keep your distance from the person.
• If the person is a good friend or family member who is showing signs of frustration or annoyance, but claiming nothing is wrong, you can point out that their tone of voice and behaviour are communicating a different message. Maybe they will open up and tell you what is bothering them.
• If the situation allows, show empathy by reflecting his or her suppressed feelings. You do this by acknowledging that you heard what was said, e.g., "I understand you are upset about... That cannot be easy. What exactly would you like to be able to change about the situation, if you could?"
  
  

Remember, "You cannot change people but you can change how you react to them."

Reasons for passive aggressiveness are complex and deep-seated. It is not your responsibility to help or change the person. Focus on what you can influence -- your reaction.

If you have no choice but to interact on a regular basis with the person, attempt to put a stop to potentially damaging patterns as soon as possible. Tolerating passive-aggressive behaviour will only encourage it to continue.
 
Negative emotions leading to passive-aggressive behaviour are in fact the ones offering an opportunity to grow and change. If you find yourself behaving a little passive- aggressive yourself, see it as an opportunity to grow. This is a time when you can engage a life coach, a good book or the wisdom of a close friend.
In conclusion, although passive-aggressive people are not pleasant to deal with, there are actions you can take to not allow this behaviour to drain you.

by Mark C. Crowley Speaker, consultant and author, Lead From The Heart: Transformational Leadership For The 21st Century
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Is it possible that communications tools like Skype, Zoom.us and Google Hangouts will have the effect of making communal office spaces obsolete?

Is the day coming when organizations will redeploy workers to home offices - where they’ll have no commute, and the freedom to work all day in play clothes? 

A few years ago, researchers at iconic furniture maker, Herman Miller, began a deep-dive into the future of the global workplace driven by the desire to answer questions like these. Clearly, technology already makes it possible for many people to work away from conventional offices. The question is whether that’s ultimately the best thing for workers, not to mention the companies that employ them. 
As part of the study, a team reviewed academic literature on psychology, anthropology, sociology and behavioral sciences - looking as far back as the B.C. era when human beings first began documenting ideas about work.

The research conclusions were then presented at the Dive! Innovation Conference held this summer in Rennes, France, which I attended. The following is a summary of the firm’s most compelling discoveries as shared by Mark Catchlove, Herman Miller’s Director of Knowledge and Insight. His overriding conclusion is that many of us will indeed end up working remotely, just not all the time.
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• People Have Six Fundamental Needs They Seek To Meet Through Work

A consistent finding from over a half-century of the company’s research is that human beings are inherently diverse. But what emerges from the new study is an understanding that across all cultures, genders, generations and organizations, people have basic needs in their experience of work that must be met in order for them to thrive and be optimally productive. While an organization’s leadership practices and culture play essential roles in determining whether these needs are supported, where and how people work is also a key contributor: 

1. Sense Of Achievement: We strive for excellence and to feel a sense of mastery in our accomplishments.
2. Autonomy: We seek freedom in our actions and decisions - and desire to no longer work in one place eight hours a day.
3. Belonging: We are tribal, social beings who require meaningful connection with other people. Given the importance of work in our lives, we seek strong bonds with colleagues. 
4. Sense Of Purpose: We want to make a meaningful difference and to know our work matters.
5. Sense Of Security: We desire health and physical safety, but also “social security,” the need to feel connected to a team. 
6. Status: We seek to be respected and appreciated for our work, and to have a working environment that inherently esteems us. 
   
   

Because these needs are so deep and universal in people - and so essential to human productivity - Herman Miller now believes supporting them must become the cornerstone of all future workplace design.

• People Only Thrive When They Have Connection And Community
  
  

Gallup research shows that the ability to work remotely at least some of the time has become one of the greatest drivers of employee engagement.

But Catchlove says too much alone time backfires. New research by Gretchen Spreitzer at the University of Michigan shows that continual isolation inevitably makes people feel lonely and “socially adrift.”
“The human need for belonging is so profound that we must always provide employees with a secure base,” Catchlove says. “Most companies will continue to have offices just so people can routinely reconnect and collaborate with co-workers.”

But Herman Miller also advises that traditional workplaces be given an extreme makeover. Says Catchlove, “people must be given greater choice on where they work including more than one option within their own office. Less and less, you won’t see people sitting in the same place for eight hours as firms provide workers with a collection of settings in which to move around.”

Ironically, researchers found that a significant number of people don’t have adequate space to work from home. So while co-working spaces will become more prevalent in the future, it will always be expected that employees return to the nest for consistent rejuvenation. 

• Technology Firms Are Doubling Down On Traditional Workspaces
  
  

If there’s any doubt that large office campuses will continue to be where most of us work, we only need to look to Silicon Valley. Apple is spending $5 billion to build its new flying saucer-shaped headquarters. Amazon is putting up tree-filled spheres so employees can hold meetings in forests - and Google will soon build a massive futuristic complex featuring translucent canopies allowing air, light and nature to influence the workspace.
 
To Holly Honig, who led Herman Miller’s research team, these massive investments are simply a reflection of highly informed leadership.

“Businesses today face unprecedented challenges recognizing the speed of change, disruptive technologies and the need for sustainable growth. At the same time, a few enlightened organizations know what we do - that people create ideas and drive their execution. So when workers are highly engaged - when those six human needs are answered - their firms are propelled into prosperity.” 

• Create Spaces That Show You Love Your People
  
  

Under traditional leadership theory, companies that “squeeze” employees can expect to have the greatest financial performance. But with a preponderance of data now proving just the opposite, organizations have begun investing much more heavily in workspaces to intentionally convey to workers that they are valued and worth every penny. (Herman Miller has sold 7 million of its uber-pricey Aeron chairs, for example).

“When we look at company P & L’s,” says Catchlove, “seventy percent of their investment is already in people. Recruitment is expensive. Training is expensive. So leaders are slowly being persuaded that looking out for their workers is really smart business. Our argument to company leaders is that the wisest thing they can do is to love and care for their biggest investment by far.”

Herman Miller’s study also confirmed what most of us already know intuitively: that workplace design and furnishings have an enormous impact on the human spirit and contribute greatly to how people feel in their jobs.

“We know that people are looking at different lenses at their total experience of work,” says Catchlove, “and their physical environment is a big piece of that.”
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by Suzie Doscher

Based on my professional and personal experiences relating to Personal Growth and Development, I have found that there are a number of issues everybody faces at one point or another. Becoming aware of and acquiring the life skill to handle them makes a huge difference to the quality of your day-to-day life. Having certain life skills and knowing when to reach for one, can be compared to knowing that the toothbrush is used to clean your teeth.

If you want to be more selective about what you say 'yes' to, it means learning how to say 'no.' By choosing to behave differently, together with practice and repetition, the brain will rewire itself. Neuroscience has proven this. For a more balanced and consequently better quality of life, it is worth finding out which life skills your 'tool kit' needs to acquire in order to upgrade.

Also, know that maintenance of life skills is of the utmost importance. Just because you took one bath, does not mean you never have to take another one!

In my coaching practice, I like to take care of the 'housekeeping' before my client and I focus on achieving their coaching goal. By 'housekeeping' I mean finding out if certain skills are already in place or need exploring, upgrading or acquiring.

To name a few:

• Saying 'No'
• Allowing yourself to take some 'me time'
• Knowing how to schedule time to think, away from technology
• Having a grip on time management
• Understanding what to do in a stressful moment
• Being comfortable with asking for help
• Being comfortable to communicate
• Knowing your Core Values
• Knowing that change involves practice and repetition! In time the brain rewires itself (you get rid of the 'virus in the software')
• Upgrading your social / interpersonal skills
• Enhancing your Self-Esteem / Self-Confidence
  
  

With coaching it can be that initially the basic life skills are learned, then the focus turns to  the goals. It is always best to come from a stronger place when looking to achieve goals. 

By Susan Begeman Steiner
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​If you spend most of your days working in a large company, you have definitely experienced life on a team. Teams are like families:
• They gather to get work done
• You almost never get to choose who is there
• Dysfunction is the norm
 
Ideally people on a team are motivated, experienced and happy to get to work with each other. Everyone has their own reasons for believing in the same thing and the work is effortless and even fun. Sound familiar? Probably not.
 
The reality is a bit less exhilarating usually, but there are ways to make life on a team more fulfilling --“Rituals.” Rituals are a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. On a team, rituals can provide a structure that can be quite comforting, but also allows for a feeling of belonging and, yes, family.
 
Ritual #1 People coming/People going
 
Team membership changes over time – that is a fact of life. One of my clients asks new team members to bring an intro slide to their first meeting. On the slide are bullets about their role, background and also a personal glimpse into their private lives, along with a photo. He can tell you that one person on his team is a scuba diver, one has 6 children, one used to be a nun.
 
When people leave his team, which sometimes happens with no notice, he sends a thank you email -- copied to the entire team -- acknowledging the person for the specific difference he or she made on the team.
 
Ritual #2 Starting the Meeting
 
It’s good to start the meeting with a ritual, especially if some are joining by video or audio. Yes, someone is always late or having trouble connecting, so this gives some time for everyone to gather. But it also can give each person a chance to speak up at the very first of the meeting, which increases the odds of them speaking up later as well. One of my other clients starts her meetings with a question that can be answered in One Word. For example, “What is one word that describes how Q3 is going so far?” Or a fun question, “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” This can take up the first 10 minutes of the meeting, but it pays off handsomely in participation.
 
Ritual #3 Ending the Meeting
 
There are several versions of ending the meeting such as Plus/Delta (what worked in our meeting, what didn’t work) to Talking Points (clarifying what we say to others about the meeting, so we are speaking with One Voice). The trick with this ritual is making sure that the final 10 minutes of the meeting are reserved for it. Otherwise, as is will not happen. Instead the meeting runs over time and gets cut off at the end as people have to leave. But rituals are rituals and the Facilitator needs to be empowered to enforce this closing ritual.
 
Ritual #4 Rotating Roles
 
The most successful (and fun) team meetings I’ve observed are those where the meeting roles (Facilitator, Timekeeper, Coach, etc.) are rotated among the members. I first encountered this method with Anderson & Rust Consulting. Everyone takes part and helps run the meeting. Those without a role at a meeting are expected to participate fully “on the field.” They will probably have a role at the next meeting, so it is in their own interest to support the others. The meeting Facilitator vets the agenda even of time, even though he or she might not be the actual team leader. The Facilitator owns the agenda during the meeting and keeps things moving, adding his or her own style and “spice” to the proceedings.
 
Ritual #5 F2F Fun
 
With many teams meeting virtually these days, it is important to have face to face (F2F) meetings at least once or twice a year. Virtual (via video) is helpful, but even that is no match for being able to shake someone’s hand or have a beer with them. At F2F meetings, the ritual is Team Building, designated time to get to know each other. There are oh so many important things to discuss at a F2F meeting, but if you forego this Team Building Ritual, you will be missing the glue that binds the team together during virtual times…which is almost always. I favor a combination of an effective team building exercise (in the room) with a dinner or other activity that is actually fun (outside the room).
 
Rituals help a team come together, feel like family and eventually approach the Holy Grail of teams -- High Performance. Contact us if you want to learn more about team effectiveness in the real world.