By Susan Begeman Steiner
Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
-- Brené Brown from The Gifts of Imperfection
What is more important to you – What you say to someone or how connected you are to the person to whom you’re talking? How often do you slow down and just be “present” with someone?
Quote from Kushandwizdom
When I travel from Zurich to Basel for work, I see about 1000 people in a day. I see them at the train stations and on the train, tram and bus and at the office. I am usually rushing through the train station, busy staying on schedule so I can get to my client’s office in time. Then on the train, I’m preparing for the meeting with my client and making sure I don’t end up on the wrong train or tram and end up in Germany somewhere (that has happened to me before). It is rare that I slow down on the trip and connect with anyone.
One notable exception has happened on the tram in Basel. There is a woman who stands in the tram and sings a lovely song for donations in a cup. She gets on at one stop, sings and then gets off at the next stop. I've seen her three times now. I watch her while she sings and often she sings just to me, I being the only person on the tram who is actually looking at her. I fish out coins and put them in her coffee cup when she walks by at the end of the song. Sometimes, except for my client, she is the only person I connect with on my whole trip. Well worth the money in the cup.
I make it a point to connect with my clients because I am a coach and that’s what we do. But I would guess that of all the people I pass on a day like that, I actually connect with fewer than 1% of them.
As Brené Brown says, connection is energy -- energy that passes between two people who see, hear and value each other. It takes a moment to sink into seeing, hearing and valuing another person. You must actually look at the other person. It happens for me when I take the time to look into someone’s eyes and ask myself, “Who’s in there?” In that moment it’s like when I was a kid knocking on a friend’s door asking if she can come out and play. I always feel a jolt of energy when I connect this way.
It’s such a simple thing really. Why don’t we do it more often?
When that connection energy is present, we can possibly move on to “giving and receiving without judgment” and “deriving sustenance and strength from the relationship.” But it starts with a slowing down to connect.
In the thousands of moments of life, those rare connections are quite precious. They remind us that we are not alone. By connecting, we can experience the deeper connection that binds us all together.
“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
― William James
One difficult aspect of being around a micromanager is their lack of understanding how their behavior and choice of words affects the people around them. The trick is not to take it personally; their behavior and means of communication are designed to manipulate and need not be taken personally. The attitude comes from deep inside and the person is quite unaware how controlling they are being.
Communicating with a Micromanager
Micromanagers like to manipulate conversations. They do this by deciding what is talked about, for how long, and how deep or detailed a topic can get. The execution is achieved by constantly interrupting, finishing sentences for the other person, not listening with attention and doing distracting things like getting up and walking around.
Micromanagers rarely consider themselves as controlling and are convinced their way is the right way. He or she will have an opinion about almost everything and will disagree with most suggestions that are not their own. Controllers also tend to also control themselves too and you might observe obsessive habits in them.
Here I am considering how you can deal with being in the company of a person who needs to be in control – whether in a private relationship or at work:
Knowing what to expect can help you choose how to interact and take care of yourself at the same time.
By Stephen J Thompson
Leaders tend to be closely identified with the organizations they lead. So much so, in fact, that it’s easy to overlook the fact that leaders can change jobs just like anyone else. And most do, sooner or later–even founders tend to eventually move on from the organizations they created, nurtured and led. (I should know–I recently moved on from running the international healthcare organization I started 15 years ago at Johns Hopkins Medicine to take on the challenge of helping to grow partnerships nationally and globally for Boston’s Brigham & Women’s Hospital.)
Moving into a leadership role at a different organization presents a unique set of challenges and opportunities right from the get-go. Those first critical months are often referred to as a “honeymoon” period. And yes, to be sure, it can be a period of high optimism, mutual good will and eagerness to collaborate. But it can also be a baptism by fire.
In practice, the new leadership role is likely to have elements of each. Here are some ways to increase the chances of getting off on the right foot, and avoiding a good scorching.
Spend more time listening, and less talking. People will be eager to hear what you have to say so they can get a read on you. And it’s important to be honest and transparent rather than mysterious. But before you say too much, it’s better to encourage everyone around you to tell you who they are, what they think is working and not, and what their expectations are moving forward.
Assess, don’t judge. Chances are you’ll have inherited at least part of a team. You’ll have the opportunity to make whatever changes you think are appropriate, but for now, don’t judge people–just neutrally assess them. It may well be that someone who at first seems to you to be on the wrong track turns out to be exactly the person you didn’t realize you need to help you move the organization forward.
Don’t import too much. You probably won your new role by being successful at your last one. What worked for you before might work for you again–but it’s a huge mistake to count on it. It’s fine to hew to the same set of values and principles, but recognize there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to getting an organization to reach its potential. You probably need a new set of strategies and tactics.
Probe the cultural norms. Organizational culture is a powerful force, one that you need to channel in your favor rather than fight. Work hard to understand what the sometimes subtle cultural elements are, and think about how your goals and approaches can best be aligned with them.
Build bridges, don’t blow them up. The initial good will you encounter up front is valuable currency. Spend it wisely, setting up solid relationships built on honesty, trust and shared values. There’s little to be gained in neglecting or rejecting anyone or any processes at this point. Ineffectual bridges will fall on their own in due time, they don’t need a premature push from you.
Go easy on fast change. Leaders sometimes come into an organization prepared to fix everything, especially in a turnaround situation. But there are probably any number of good people and processes already in place, waiting for the right leader to unlock their potential. Better at first to focus on mining these raw materials in the organization, and making them key resources in support of your efforts.
Why risk a flame-out in an effort to prove you’re a bold, fast-acting fixer? Providing a smooth transition into your leadership role in these ways will help ensure you have a stronger and longer-lasting impact down the road.
Published in collaboration with LinkedIn
Author: Steven J. Thompson is a Senior Vice President, Chief Business Development Officer at Brigham and Women’s Hospital
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2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called LIFE. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works”…
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is not better than “Here”
When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here”.
7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside of you.
The answer to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all of this.
11. You can remember it whenever you want.
Comment by Suzie Doscher:
When I was a teenager, my mother introduced me to these Rules that she had found in a cookery book from New York. My personal understanding of these Rules for Being Human is that “there is a bigger picture.” Life is about something more important than just making our day-to-day existence manageable and enjoyable.
The approach I take is that we are born with our spirit/soul intact -- in a sense, we are born “whole.” Then life and all it encompasses disconnects us from our inner self. While growing up, we learn not to listen to our intuition (inner voice) and instead give our attention to outside sources such as friends, family, society’s beliefs and values, the media, what “they” believe in – whoever “they” are. I believe this is a perfectly normal part of the process of growing up. This is where the Rules for Being Human enter, for we have lessons to learn along the way in order to find the way back to being true to ourselves. This is easier said than done, but having the basic understanding of this concept is a great start.
I take the approach that I can learn something from everything that happens, both positive and negative. When I become confused or feel I am in the middle of a problem, I ask myself, “If there are no coincidences and I am meant to learn something from everything, what am I not seeing here that could help me right now?”
The same goes for a good thing happening. I ask myself, “What can I continue to do that will allow me to be in this type of situation again?” I live by the rules no matter how hard it is sometimes. Learning and growing never ends. Having “rules” that offer a framework of understanding, I find invaluable.
Rules for Being Human by Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott / www.drcherie.com
by Suzie Doscher
Whether you are a leader, follower, entrepreneur, stay at home parent, working parent, searching for a new challenge or job, retired or reinventing yourself if you strive to give it your best you automatically are a “high potential.”
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A “HIGH POTENTIAL” IN BUSINESS
The business world sees “high potentials” as individuals who are selected and receive special treatment and grooming to develop. They are helped to climb the ladder of success with coaching, mentoring and/or training for career development and advancement opportunities.
It’s an advantage to get this kind of attention, but someone else does not have to 'select' you in order for you to reach your goals at work and/or in life.
HERE ARE A FEW CHARACTERISTICS OF “HIGH POTENTIALS"
• Motivation to set goals, follow through and achieve them.
• Healthy self-worth and self-esteem.
• You know asking for support is a sign of strength.
• Challenges are seen as opportunities to grow.
• If something does not work, you try something else. Flexibility is the key.
• Energy Vampires – you get rid of them if possible. If not, you learn how to stop the vampires from draining your energy.
• You can say ‘No’, or ‘Not now’.
• You know that there is no ‘I’ in ‘Team'.
• You are a visionary and are able to “Act as if.” You can dream, think, and fantasize what it will be like once you have achieved your goal.
• You love to keep moving forward.
Everybody has potential. Forget work for a moment, take a minute and think what is it you would really like to achieve in your life? Reflect on what you truly want and what fulfills you.
If you want to be strong at work being strong in your personal life will have to come first. Only then will you be able to give it your best at work.
What do you think you might feel later in life if you realize you gave your best at work only? Your personal life and your personal potential are equally important in the bigger picture, if not more. Besides, the emotional intelligence you gain by reflecting and working on 'being the best you' is priceless, will serve you and spill over into your life at work.
Think about it, you owe it to yourself.
Self-Help Book / Personal Development