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The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

Secrets of NLP: How to Build Rapport When Working Virtually

29/7/2016

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By Davide Costella
​
​Imagine you are leading a global project for a large, multinational company. What might be your main challenges in terms of communication? One inevitable challenge is that you have to deal with stakeholders across the globe. This translates in different cultures, different personas, backgrounds, beliefs, conflicts as well as different communication tools such as email, face-to-face, Skype etc. This is what a client of mine, let’s call him Jack, was facing and struggling with on a regular basis. How can NLP help you to overcome the most difficult communication challenges?
​
I asked Jack who his most painful stakeholder was. Who keeps him up at night? He answered without hesitating that this was Matt.

1. RAPPORT
First we identified how Jack could enter in rapport with Matt. Rapport is the basis for any interaction.
  • Metaprograms: We began to analyze the metaprograms of this difficult stakeholder and noticed that look for differences was the predominate one. Knowing this, Jack was able to start building rapport by showing he could look more for differences than similarities which is a different metaprogram.
  • Tone of voice: Jack was dealing with Matt only via phone, so we had to work on Jack’s tonality. I attended some calls they had and paid attention to the tonality, volume, pace, speed, pauses and breathing so Jack could also create rapport at this level.
  • Linguistic: This is the most fascinating and fun part of NLP. We focused on the words, sayings, mantra that Matt was using and realized that “should” and “the bottom line is…” were the ones Matt used the most. Jack started to use these as well when he spoke to Matt, with elegance and caution of course! We went a step further and eliminated from Jack’s vocabulary the use of the word BUT. Instead, Jack used AND. A simple AND very effective secret to build rapport.

2. SUBMODALITIES
Even though Jack had managed to improve rapport, he still could not fully control his stakeholder. At the end of the day you need to be honest about what is really under YOUR control. This is why we decided to work on handling Jack’s anger that came up before and after some of the meetings. That anger was like an alarm going off at 5:00 am! Jack said,  “It kills my head” -- this is how bad he was feeling. The alarm metaphor was very significant since Jack was predominately auditory.   We worked a lot with, and . This helped Jack control what he COULD control, the way he filtered information. This helps you create a more helpful map of the world.

3. SLEIGHT OF MOUTH
We started eliciting Matt’s beliefs and practices on using great part of the models. Sleight of Mouth is a tremendously powerful tool, but it takes great deal of practice to master it with elegance and speed. This is why practice makes it all!
 
At this point, maybe you expect that Jack was able to manage every single interaction with Matt successfully. Well, of course that’s not really the case, but Jack was able to handle effectively the great majority of interactions with Matt, his most painful stakeholder. The good thing is that Jack had much more control over his feelings and this is what set him free.

Communication is very subtle. It’s easy to underestimate the power of even some small changes that might seem insignificant, but that in the end will make a very significant difference between getting what you want or not.

If you would like to improve your communication skills and make a real difference in any sphere, I am here to help you. Let’s set up an appointment to talk about it!
 

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Boosting Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Like a Pro

17/7/2016

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By Martin / Cleverism

​There are several measures that have been proven to improve one’s Emotional Quotient once adhered to. These measures are:

Reduction of Negative Emotions
This is perhaps the most important aspect of EQ. This is because it is paramount that one be in control of their emotions in order to ensure that they do not affect their judgment. In order for an individual to be in a position to change how they feel about a certain situation, they must first be able to change how they think about it.
Reduction of negative emotions begins with the Reduction of Negative Embodiments. This refers to situations where one feels adversely towards another person or their actions. In such a situation, it is important to avoid negative conclusions in your mind as much as possible. Rather, practice the art of viewing a situation through multiple dimensions prior to reacting to it.
For example, it may be tempting to conclude that a certain colleague failed to return my phone call because they are ignoring me but it would be better to conclude that they are caught up and they will phone back whenever they can. When one avoids taking other people’s actions personally, they are able to look at those actions from an objective point of view. Note that people’s actions are inspired by their own selves more than they are by us; this perception widens your perspective and reduces the possibility and occurrence of misunderstandings.

Additionally, Reducing Fear of Rejection drives away negative emotions and boosts your EQ. One sure way to reduce fear of rejection is by availing multiple options for yourself in crucial situations. This is to ensure that no matter what the outcome may be, there are equally strong options at your disposal. This will eliminate any negative emotions such as anxiety or depression.
For example, if you are applying for a dream job, apply in numerous different organizations; therefore, if one does not work out, the other options may still be open to you, hence relieving you of a lot of angst.

Staying Calm and Managing StressWe all experience stress, be it at different levels. How you handle stressful scenarios is what determines whether you are an assertive or a reactive person; a poised or an unstable person. When under any kind of pressure, your most important asset is your ability to keep a level head.
EQ is the ability to stay calm while handling extremely stressful situations. There are various practices that can be employed to keep yourself calm, for example, avoiding caffeinated beverages that may heighten your nervousness; instead, maintaining a cool temperature around yourself may be far more effective in reducing one’s anxiety or nervousness.
In addition, exercise is a great stress reliever and helps reduce your physical tension, energizes you, keeps you collected, and enables you to deal with stressful situations in the calmest way possible; thereby boosting your EQ in the process.

Remaining Assertive and Expressing Difficult Emotions
As much as it is good to get along with the people we interact with, to develop healthy emotional quotient, you also need to be assertive and expressive and be able to set appropriate boundaries in order for people to understand where you stand in when you encounter one another.
This entails exercising your right to disagree without necessarily being disagreeable, or being able to say ‘no’ where appropriate without having to feel guilty. Boosting EQ demands that one set their own priorities and protecting oneself from any forms of duress or harm.
As an additional pointer; when being assertive, it is important to avoid framing statements in such a way that they come off as accusations or judgments because they automatically put the recipient on the defensive, which may result in an unnecessary altercation.

Trusting Others
Each individual, no matter how socially inept, has at least one person that they have given they trust and who almost understands them as intimately as they understand themselves.
In scenarios that are stressful, and in situations where you feel overwhelmed by the pressure, it helps to reach out to that individual and ask for a perspective beyond your own; an objective perspective.
This activity will eventually train you to handle situations in an objective manner, hence boosting your emotional quotient even without your awareness.
Constantly trying to handle stressful situations on your own is not independence, it is limiting. It leads to a situation where you are never open to other approaches but your own; therefore, hampering any form of growth in your EQ. Often, all it takes is an external opinion to work through a scenario that is ongoing in your mind.

Bouncing Back from Adversity
Understand that life is not necessarily easy; at least not all the time, and how we choose to feel or act in response to life’s challenges can makes all the difference between optimism and frustration; hope and despair; victory and defeat. It is important that you look at every situation, especially the negative ones, as a learning experience. Ask yourself, “How can I do better?” “What have I Learnt?” In the immortal words of Thomas Edison, “I have not failed; I have found ten thousand ways that do not work.” Thomas A. Edison went on to invent the light bulb. Adopting this perception on life is one of the strongest ways to boost your EQ and go on to live a successful and fulfilling life.

Develop a Genuine Interest in the People around You
Another way to boost your emotional quotient is by learning to develop a genuine and keen interest in the people and the world around you.
For example, in a work environment you should not only strive to learn the names of everyone you interact with but reach out to them and strive to learn as much as possible about them. It is proven that there is a satisfaction or fulfillment that human beings draw from establishing meaningful connectionsand relationships with others.
Showing genuinely friendly interest in the lives of colleagues or associates is not only advantageous to you but to them too. When you reach out to people, they feel valued as human beings and not mere cogs in a machine.
The kind of fulfillment drawn from making such a connection or relationship, therefore, is experienced by two parties and can act as a stress reliever, drive away any feelings of anxiousness or depression, improve productivity, and ultimately boost EQ levels.

IN A NUTSHELL
Our ability to use reasonably soft skills and approaches in situations boosts our Emotional Quotient (EQ). In turn, this boost in EQ enables us to handle future situations in a better, healthier, and mature manner. EQ is a sense of internal balance that enables you to keep your composure, make the right decisions, and communicate successfully even when under stress. EQ is a major determinant of the quality of the life that you live as well as your likelihood for success in both your career and personal life. For this reason, it is imperative that you understand emotional quotient intimately as well as the various ways in which we can boost it constantly.
Emotional Quotient can be said to be the best predictor of performance in any workplace situation, the determinant of effective leadership, and individual excellence. When our EQ is effectively increased and applied, we realize our ability to cultivate more solid relationships both personally and in the business arena. Relationships, and more specifically their quality, are a colossal determinant of the success of any endeavor we delve in and the reality is; relationships cannot be avoided, there is no way around them. In order to ensure that we have the highest quality relationships and, therefore, the best shot at all-round success we need to constantly boost our Emotional Quotient.

​
Image credit: Wikimedia Commons | Gert Germeraad under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.
​
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Why People With Multicultural Experience Are More Creative

13/7/2016

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by Art Markman as seen on Fast Company

​Most creative people have two things in common: 
  1. They are willing to consider alternatives to the way things are currently done, and
  2. they see objects, people, and situations from multiple perspectives.
After all, if you shun new experiences, you will miss out on exciting opportunities. And many of those opportunities involve seeing existing elements of the world in a new way. Research by Adam Galinsky and his colleagues at Columbia Business School suggest that one way to enhance these two skills is to immerse yourself in a multicultural experience.

Think about what happens if you spend a year living in another country.

Chances are, the people speak a different language, so you have to recognize that even the way people communicate in that country differs from where you are from. Their rituals and routines are different. The way they interact socially differs.

When you dive into a second culture, two interesting things happen.
  1. First, it increases your overall openness to new experiences. That kind of openness often leads to more creative ideas. Engaging with a new culture allows you to get comfortable accepting that the activities you engage in are just one choice among many in the world, and that there are many different approaches to life. It helps you understand that there are many different ways to achieve a goal, and there are many different goals that people may find are worth achieving.
  2. As second thing that happens is that you being to recognize that everything in the world can be viewed in many different ways. For example, some cultures treat mealtimes as opportunities to fuel the body. Watch Americans crowd into fast food restaurants at mealtime and see how they are focused mostly on quickly getting their food and eating so that they can move on to the next task. Other cultures treat mealtimes as a time for social interaction in which the mealtime is extended to include discussion and an oasis from the workday.


It helps you understand that there are many different ways to achieve a goal, and there are many different goals that people may find are worth achieving.

The key aspect of learning to adapt to a new culture is not that you have to decide which approach is better. Rather, you recognize that everything in the world can be looked at in many different ways.

Galinsky and his colleagues demonstrate that people who have spent time adapting to more than one culture are better able to generate new ideas both in laboratory studies and in corporate settings.

What does this mean for you?
  1. First, it means that you should take advantage of opportunities to spend time in another culture. Learn the ways of that culture, and immerse yourself in a new way of thinking.
  2. Second, seek out people who have had multicultural experiences. Take advantage of the cognitive flexibility they have developed to make your organization more creative.
  3. Third, if you don’t have the opportunity to spend time in another country, at least seek out new social groups that you can interact with.
​Although I have never lived in another country, my intellectual training was deeply multidisciplinary. I split my time between psychology and computer science, and ultimately was trained in the field of cognitive science. This exposure to many different approaches to the same problem had a similar effect as living in another culture. Seeing the world through different people’s eyes is a great way of enhancing your own openness and creativity.

By Mark Markman - Fast Company 
​​

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Controlling, Influencing or Letting Go

7/7/2016

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Picture
By Susan Begeman Steiner

​Maureen really liked her job except for one thing -- her colleague, Patrick, was not doing his job to the standards Maureen needed. His shoddy work was having a negative effect on her ability to accomplish her goals.

Patrick was a business partner and not on Maureen’s team or reporting to her. Maureen had tried correcting his work and sending it back to him, talking to her boss about him and sending him emails with timelines and quality standards. But nothing changed and she felt that the situation had become impossible.

Circle of Influence

When you are in an impossible situation beyond your control, what can you do?
Take a look at the Circle of Influence. In the innermost circle are the things you can control, the next circle out is what you can influence and in the outermost circle are things you can be concerned about, but otherwise need to let go of.

Here are some questions to answer when you are faced with an impossible situation.

What is actually within your control?
Look to see if there is a direct action you can take that will clear up the situation. In Maureen’s case, she did not have authority over her colleague, so her direct actions were limited to asking him specifically for what she needed and making agreements with him.
Maureen had tried this and the working relationship did improve. Patrick started to get things to her in a more timely manner. However, the quality of his work did not improve. Maureen was not in control of the quality of his work.

For the aspects you cannot control, ask yourself what influence you can have?
What can you do to influence the situation? In Maureen’s case, she had a direct conversation with Patrick where they discovered that they had a shared goal. They also admitted what they had been doing to each other out of frustration and actually forged a bond with each other. However, Patrick's standards still did not match Maureen's and she felt that, even though they now got along a lot better, the quality of his work would probably never improve.

When you have tried everything you can think of, what can you do?
If you have tried everything, then what is left is to develop your skill of acceptance in order to cope with the situation as it is. However, it is important to register your concerns, keep your eye on the situation and take action when you can. For Maureen this meant continuing to improve her relationship with Patrick and taking extra time to change his work when needed to meet her standards. She had to accept that she needed to do some extra work to keep standards high and then all that was left was to be as patient as possible. 

In difficult situations, how you react says more about you than about the other person. In these situations, there is potential for growth and learning. The alternative to a satisfactory outcome is patience, trust and staying in integrity.
 


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Science Says Silence Is Much More Important To Our Brains Than We Think

7/7/2016

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Life Hack: SCIENCE BY REBECCA BERIS

In 2011, the Finish Tourist Board ran a campaign that used silence as a marketing ‘product’. They sort to entice people to visit Finland and experience the beauty of this silent land. They released a series of photographs of single figures in the nature and used the slogan “Silence, Please”. A tag line was added by Simon Anholt, an international country branding consultant, “No talking, but action.”

Eva Kiviranta the manager of the social media for VisitFinland.com said: “We decided, instead of saying that it’s really empty and really quiet and nobody is talking about anything here, let’s embrace it and make it a good thing”.
Finland may be on to something very big. You could be seeing the very beginnings of using silence as a selling point as silence may be becoming more and more attractive. As the world around becomes increasingly loud and cluttered you may find yourself seeking out the reprieve that silent places and silence have to offer. This may be a wise move as studies are showing that silence is much more important to your brains than you might think.

Regenerated brain cells may be just a matter of silence. A 2013 study on mice published in the journal Brain, Structure and Functionused differed types of noise and silence and monitored the effect the sound and silence had on the brains of the mice. The silence was intended to be the control in the study but what they found was surprising. The scientists discovered that when the mice were exposed to two hours of silence per day they developed new cells in the hippocampus. The hippocampus is a region of the brain associated with memory, emotion and learning.
The growth of new cells in the brain does not necessarily translate to tangible health benefits. However, in this instance, researcher Imke Kirste says that the cells appeared to become functioning neurons.

“We saw that silence is really helping the new generated cells to differentiate into neurons, and integrate into the system.” 
In this sense silence can quite literally grow your brain.

The brain is actively internalizing and evaluating information during silenceA 2001 study defined a “default mode” of brain function that showed that even when the brain was “resting” it was perpetually active internalizing and evaluating information.
Follow-up research found that the default mode is also used during the process of self-reflection. In 2013, in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, Joseph Moran et al. wrote, the brain’s default mode network “is observed most closely during the psychological task of reflecting on one’s personalities and characteristics (self-reflection), rather than during self-recognition, thinking of the self-concept, or thinking about self-esteem, for example.”
When the brain rests it is able to integrate internal and external information into “a conscious workspace,” said Moran and colleagues. 

When you are not distracted by noise or goal-orientated tasks, there appears to be a quiet time that allows your conscious workspace to process things. During these periods of silence, your brain has the freedom it needs to discover its place in your internal and external world.

The default mode helps you think about profound things in an imaginative way.
As Herman Melville once wrote, “All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by silence.”
​

Silence relieves stress and tension.
It has been found that noise can have a pronounced physical effect on our brains resulting in elevated levels of stress hormones. The sound waves reach the brain as electrical signals via the ear. The body reacts to these signals even if it is sleeping. It is thought that the amygdalae (located in the temporal lobes of the brain) which is associated with memory formation and emotion is activated and this causes a release of stress hormones. If you live in a consistently noisy environment that you are likely to experience chronically elevated levels of stress hormones.

A study that was published in 2002 in Psychological Science (Vol. 13, No. 9) examined the effects that the relocation of Munich’s airport had on children’s health and cognition. Gary W. Evans, a professor of human ecology at Cornell University notes that children who are exposed to noise develop a stress response that causes them to ignore the noise. What is of interest is that these children not only ignored harmful stimuli they also ignored stimuli that they should be paying attention to such as speech. 
“This study is among the strongest, probably the most definitive proof that noise – even at levels that do not produce any hearing damage – causes stress and is harmful to humans,” Evans says.

Silence seems to have the opposite effect of the brain to noise. 
While noise may cause stress and tension silence releases tension in the brain and body. A study published in the journal Heart discovered that two minutes of silence can prove to be even more relaxing than listening to “relaxing” music. They based these findings of changes they noticed in blood pressure and blood circulation in the brain.
​

Silence replenishes our cognitive resources.
The effect that noise pollution can have on cognitive task performance has been extensively studied. It has been found that noise harms task performance at work and school. It can also be the cause of decreased motivation and an increase in error making.  The cognitive functions most strongly affected by noise are reading attention, memory and problem solving.
Studies have also concluded that children exposed to households or classrooms near airplane flight paths, railways or highways have lower reading scores and are slower in their development of cognitive and language skills.
 

But it is not all bad news. It is possible for the brain to restore its finite cognitive resources. According to the attention restoration theory when you are in an environment with lower levels of sensory input the brain can ‘recover’ some of its cognitive abilities. In silence the brain is able to let down its sensory guard and restore some of what has been ‘lost’ through excess noise. 

Summation:
Traveling to Finland may just well be on your list of things to do. There you may find the silence you need to help your brain. Or, if Finland is a bit out of reach for now, you could simply take a quiet walk in a peaceful place in your neighborhood. This might prove to do you and your brain a world of good.


Featured photo credit: Mind Body via beautifulnow.is
Curious to know how to find the time for some silence?
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