by Suzie Doscher
I’ll tell you what I do.
First of all, I allow myself to realize I am stressed and find a few minutes to STOP, BREATHE and ask myself: What is the actual problem that is stressing me right now? The important part of that question being the ‘right NOW.’ My usual answer is one or more of the following:
My next best step is to focus on what I can influence in this moment.
All in all my best solution is to accept that I am stressed, make the choice to do something about it, stop and figure out what. Sounds simple, and it is, but it does require that I consciously choose acceptance in the moment and then take the necessary actions.
In the case where it is all too much, I simply force myself to stop, take a short walk or take some long, deep breaths. One way or another it is important to STOP MYSELF and therefore break the stressful energy of the moment.
What do you do?
by TRAVIS BRADBERRY
Co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and President at TalentSmartConfidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities—has a look all its own.
When it comes to confidence, one thing is certain: truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish because they inspire others and they make things happen.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right."
Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect on your ability to succeed is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne that showed that confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than anyone else.
Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?
I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people so that you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.
They Get Their Happiness from Within
Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are. People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you’re never as good or as bad as people say you are.
They Don’t Pass Judgment
Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.
They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To
Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy, and they have the self-esteem to make their nos clear. When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
They Listen More than They Speak
People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don’t feel as though they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are much more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves to others, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know that this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.
They Speak with Certainty
It’s rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases such as “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction.
They Seek Out Small Victories
Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.
A study conducted at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem higher. Best of all, rather than the physical changes in their bodies being responsible for the uptick in confidence, it was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference.
They Don’t Seek Attention
People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.
Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.
They Aren’t Afraid to Be Wrong
Confident people aren’t afraid to be proven wrong. They like putting their opinions out there to see if they hold up because they learn a lot from the times they are wrong and other people learn from them when they’re right. Self-assured people know what they are capable of and don’t treat being wrong as a personal slight.
They Stick Their Necks Out
When confident people see an opportunity, they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, they ask themselves, “What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that?” and they go for it. Fear doesn’t hold them back because they know that if they never try, they will never succeed.
They Celebrate Other People
Insecure people constantly doubt their relevance, and because of this, they try to steal the spotlight and criticize others in order to prove their worth. Confident people, on the other hand, aren’t worried about their relevance because they draw their self-worth from within. Instead of insecurely focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all the wonderful things that other people bring to the table. Praising people for their contributions is a natural result of this.
They Aren’t Afraid to Ask for Help
Confident people know that asking other people for help won’t make them seem weak or unintelligent. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they look to others to fill the gaps. They also know that learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.
Bringing It All TogetherBuilding confidence is a journey, not a destination.
By Suzie Doscher
Taking responsibility for your decisions and consequent actions is one of the points raised in my article Personal Power - What Does That Mean? Every decision you make has a consequence. When deciding to take action, this action was the result of the decision you made. Responsibility and decision go hand in hand. When results do not work out as expected the natural tendency is to find someone else to blame. Playing the blame game avoids responsibility.
Not taking responsibility for your behavior weakens your personal power. Making excuses or blaming others for a negative outcome, results in a character trait which is common in those who fail. This relates to life, career, health and happiness. If something goes wrong it is time to think about what or how you could have handled it differently, so you can learn from it.
Owning your choices, maintaining your personal power, is part of standing on your own. In accepting responsibility, you are accepting a willingness to develop your character. The stronger your character, the better your life will become. Not always easy. The following are a few questions that can help along the way.
By taking responsibility for your decisions, you are increasing your power.
In Other Words "Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility." Albert Einstein.
Check out the infographic by Bersin / Deloitte. As a coach, the two quotes that jumped out at me are:
"Rapid change in business and organizations means everyone needs to constantly be learning. More and more people are looking for the options on their own because they are not getting what they need from their employers."
"1% of a typical workweek is all that employees have to focus on training and development."
By Suzie Doscher
In the past two years I have been approached by a quite a number of young people who work for companies/corporations. These are motivated, smart, emotionally intelligent, energetic, driven young people. Their work place offers them training & development and sometimes even coaching, yet they are hungry for more than what the workplace offers.
When I work with them, the focus of our sessions has been emotional intelligence (EI), i.e., upgrading, fine tuning, enhancing and improving their current level of EI. But not in the general, intellectual sense of 'emotional intelligence.' They are NOT seeking the type of results one gains by reading a book, doing a training courses, etc. Instead, they are interested in finding ways to convert their intellectual knowledge into sustained behavioural change.
There is nothing wrong with the intellectual approach. Having an 'academic'/intellectual understanding is of value. However one-to-one coaching sessions give quicker and more sustainable results when it comes to changing behaviour, e.g., reacting differently, saying 'no' or managing a stressful moment effectively. Mountains can be moved with the proper support, motivation and encouragement one-to-one coaching offers. This personalized support is not available in a seminar, training or a book, where the norm is the 'one size fits all' approach.
Neuroscience in Coaching
I recently completed the advanced training for Neuroscience in Coaching (SCOAP Coach - Leading Brains Academy) and found it fascinating to have a greater understanding of how the brain changes when you change your behaviour. The most important point is that with repetition and practice, the brain rewires itself. The personal nature of one-to-one coaching can bring more sustainable results because each of us applies making changes in a individual and personalized manner.
Hopefully one day companies will recognize how much time and money they can save by offering personal development coaching in addition to technical trainings, feedback & assessments.
I want to thank these interesting, 'high potential' young people for finding me. I am enjoying being part of their path to further success.
by Richard Branson on Linkedin
One of the most important skills any leader can learn is when to be decisive, and when to take a step back and look at the wider picture before making the big calls.
In times of turmoil, excitement, rapid growth, or crisis, there will be more decisions to make than usual and less time to make them. There will also be an almost irresistible temptation to make these decisions as quickly as possible. A leader must be calm, confident in his choices, visible to his team and their customers, and in control of the situation.
However, this doesn’t mean rushing in and jumping to rash conclusions before knowing all the facts. I recently read a story about the businessman Stephen Covey’s lasting lesson: seek first to understand, then to be understood. He tells the sweet tale of a little girl holding two apples. Her mother comes in and asks her for one of the apples. The girl looks up at her mum and takes a bite of one apple, then the other. The mum looks disappointed at her daughter’s selfishness. Then the little girl gives one of her bitten apples to her mum, and says: “Mummy, here you are. This is the sweeter one.”
Even when we think we know all of the facts and figures, and have viewed every angle of a given scenario, the truth about a situation can be a big surprise. This is one of the things that makes life so exciting — just when we think we understand something, we learn something new.
This is why delaying judgement can be so useful in business. There have been many occasions when I have been tempted to make a snap decision and decided to wait until I can see the whole picture more clearly. These delays can mean missing the odd opportunity. One example that springs to mind is taking too long to decide to buy the rights to a new game called Trivial Pursuit. But for every missed opening, there have been several averted disasters.
There is a growing overreliance on using statistics as an alternative to using judgement. While facts and figures are extremely useful, data analysis shouldn’t solely drive every decision. The advertising guru David Ogilvy summed executives’ reliance on statistics over judgement: “They are coming to rely too much on research, and they use it as a drunkard uses a lamp post for support, rather than for illumination.”
One vital component of decision-making that is often overlooked is quiet contemplation. After looking at all the stats, speaking to all the experts and analysing all of the angles, then take some time to yourself to think things through clearly. Take a walk, find a shady spot, or simply sit and think for a while. Don’t delay unnecessarily — but don’t rush either. Get that balance right, and you are far more likely to make the right call.
Self-Help Book / Personal Development