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By Susan Begeman Steiner
I am revising my old views on aging. I admit that I’ve considered aging something to avoid and be ashamed of. And I know I am not alone. Just look at the statistics for use of cosmetic surgery and botox. The old view of aging has it that: • Old people are invisible • No one listens to them • Old age is characterized by physical suffering • When you retire, no one needs you anymore Time for the new view to be spoken out loud. We are not the same “old” as our grandparents or parents were. We are the new old. For one thing there are so many of us who are older. For example in the US 28% of the population are Baby Boomers (born 1946 – 1964). We still represent the vast majority of the work force. In 2014, there were 76 million of us. In that regard, one could say we ARE the economy. But not only are there so many of us, we are also healthier. Life expectancy in the US according to the World Health Organization averages at 79 (based on 2013 data released in 2015). We are redefining what is considered ‘beautiful’ and ‘normal.’ Look at the many movies released in the past few years dealing with themes of romance, wisdom and courage of older people, including Woman in Gold, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel I and II, Gran Torino, Something’s Gotta Give, Last Chance Harvey, and It’s Complicated among others. No longer is having grandchildren the best thing about getting older. Now we have: • Wisdom • Money • Second careers • Appreciation for the good things in life • Depth – Read the excellent book by Ram Dass, Conscious Aging or check out the interview. I’m not saying it’s not wonderful to have grandchildren…it is! It’s just not the only thing that’s wonderful about aging anymore. So seize the day, Baby Boomers! When we were young, we redefined what it meant to be “real.” Now let’s redefine what it means to age.
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By Travis Bradberry
When you’re working hard and doing all you can to achieve your goals, anything that can give you an edge is powerful and will streamline your path to success. Mind tricks won’t make you a Jedi, but using the brain’s natural quirks to your advantage can have a positive impact on everyone you encounter. None of these tricks are deceitful or disingenuous, except for number six, and I trust that you’ll only use that one with good reason. As soon as you become aware of these 12 tricks, they start popping up wherever you look. With minimal effort on your part, their unconscious influence on behavior can make a huge difference in your day-to-day life. 1. When a group of people laughs, each member of the group can’t help but make eye contact with the person they feel closest to This trick can make you an astute observer of relationships of all types. It can tell you which members of your team are bonding and learning to trust one another, just as easily as it can tell you if you might have a shot at landing a date with a certain someone. Of course, you’ll learn a lot about how you feel about other people just by paying attention to whom you make eye contact with. 2. When someone does a favor for you, it actually makes them like youmore When you convince someone to do you a favor, they unconsciously justify why they are willing to do so. Typical justifications include things such as “he’s my friend,” “I like him,” and “he seems like the kind of person who would return the favor.” These justifications serve you perfectly. Not only did you just get help with something, but the other party also likes you more than they did before. 3. Silence gets answers When you ask someone a question and they’re slow to respond, don’t feel pressure to move the conversation forward. Remaining silent plays to your advantage. Moments of silence make people feel as though they should speak, especially when the ball is in their court. This is a great tool to use in negotiations and other difficult conversations. Just make certain you resist the urge to move the conversation forward until you get your answer. 4. Open hands and palms create trust There’s an employee policy at LEGOLAND that says whenever someone asks where something is, the employee “presents” (open-palm gesture) their directions instead of “pointing” them. This is because the open-palmed gesture conveys trust, making people more likely to agree with what you’re saying and to find you friendly and likeable. Pointing, on the flip side, is generally seen as aggressive and rude. 5. Nodding your head during a conversation or when asking a question makes the other person more likely to agree with what you’re saying The next time you need to win someone over to your way of thinking, try nodding your head as you speak. People unconsciously mirror the body language of those around them in order to better understand what other people are feeling. When you nod your head as you speak, you convey that what you’re saying is true and desirable, and people are more inclined to agree with you. 6. If you have to tell a lie, add embarrassing details to make it more believable The more detailed a lie is, the more likely people are to believe it. When you add detail, people begin to put a picture to your story. When you includeembarrassing details, the picture becomes all the more vivid and believable. After all, if you were going to make up a story, you would be much more inclined to make yourself look good. 7. People remember unfinished things better The natural tendency to remember unfinished things is called the Zeigarnik effect. Ever notice how some television commercials get cut off early? The company paying for the commercial cuts it off so that it sticks in your head longer than other commercials. The best way to forget unfinished things (commercials or songs) is to finish them in your head. If a song gets stuck in your head, try singing the last lines to yourself. You’ll be amazed how quickly it goes away. 8. Chew gum to relax and focus Chewing gum actually lowers your cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress. But chewing gum doesn’t just reduce stress, it also makes you more alert and improves your performance in memory-oriented tasks. It does so by increasing the blood flow to your brain and alerting your senses. When you experience a stressful situation while chewing gum, your body is less likely to go into the primal fight-or-flight mode (which results in poor decisions and inability to focus). 9. People’s feet reveal their interest When talking to someone, pay attention to their feet. If their feet are aimed at you, they’re interested and listening to what you’re saying, but if their feet point away from you, they’re most likely disinterested and mentally checked out. 10. When you meet someone new, work their name into the conversation in order to remember it The goal here is to repeat their name three times in the first five minutes. It works extremely well, but the trick is to do it naturally. When you rattle off their name unnecessarily, it sounds foolish and awkward. Try to use phrases like “Hello ____,” “Nice to meet you _____,” and “Where are you from _____.” 11. Showing excitement makes other people like you This one goes back to the idea that we mirror the behavior of those around us. If you show excitement when you see someone, they naturally mirror that excitement back at you. It’s an easy way to make a strong first impression and to get people to like you. 12. Maintain eye contact for 60% of a conversation The key to eye contact is balance. While it’s important to maintain eye contact, doing so 100% of the time is perceived as aggressive and creepy. At the same time, if you only maintain eye contact for a small portion of the conversation, you’ll come across as disinterested, shy, or embarrassed. Maintaining eye contact for roughly 60% of a conversation comes across as interested, friendly, and trustworthy. Bringing It All Together Give these tricks a try, and you’re bound to notice a difference in how people respond to you. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review. by Suzie Doscher
The bottom line is to act, not react. Reacting rarely helps the situation. Taking some time to consider how you want to handle the issue and what you want to achieve is worthwhile thinking about. If someone has pushed one of your buttons it is good to remind yourself you cannot control how other people behave, but you can control how you react. Feeling affected by what other people do or say happens to everybody. Getting too upset or bothered about it drains your energy. This is a fairly normal human reaction. Steps You Can Take When Someone Has Pushed A Button:
Remember the bottom line is that you want to act, not react. Should you find yourself in the company of someone who continually pushes your buttons, it might be worthwhile to ask yourself, "Is this a person with whom I really want to continue spending time?" If the answer is no, figure out a compassionate way to disengage, if however it is a work colleague and you do not have the luxury of choice it is best to learn how to handle the moment. "We cannot change people, we can change how we react to them" By Kevin Kruse
It continues to surprise me how many leaders attempt to be one way at work, while their “true” personality emerges outside of work. Once a CEO reminded me, “Leadership is acting.” And it surprises me when these same leaders seem shocked or confused when their employees don’t trust them, don’t like them, and can’t really wait to work elsewhere. Authenticity has been explored throughout history, from Greek philosophers to the work of Shakespeare (“To thy own self be true.” –Polonius, Hamlet). Authentic leadership has been explored sporadically as part of modern management science, but found its highest levels of acceptance since Bill George’s 2003 book, Authentic Leadership. But what is authentic leadership? While different theorists have different slants on the concept, most agree that: 1. Authentic leaders are self-aware and genuine. Authentic leaders are self-actualized individuals who are aware of their strengths, their limitations, and their emotions. They also show their real selves to their followers. They do not act one way in private and another in public; they don’t hide their mistakes or weaknesses out of fear of looking weak. They also realize that being self-actualized is an endless journey, never complete. 2. Authentic leaders are mission driven and focused on results. They are able to put the mission and the goals of the organization ahead of their own self-interest. They do the job in pursuit of results, not for their own power, money or ego. 3. Authentic leaders lead with their heart, not just their minds. They are not afraid to show their emotions, their vulnerability and to connect with their employees. This does not mean authentic leaders are “soft.” In fact communicating in a direct manner is critical to successful outcomes, but it’s done with empathy; directness without empathy is cruel. 4. Authentic leaders focus on the long-term. A key tenet in Bill George’s model is the company leaders are focused on long-term shareholder value, not in just beating quarterly estimates. Just as George did as CEO of Medtronic, and as Bezos has done for years at Amazon, leaders realize that to nurture individuals and to nurture a company requires hard work and patience, but the approach pays large dividends over time. |
Self-Help Book / Personal Development
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