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The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

Successful People Are Peacemakers, Not Peacekeepers

26/11/2015

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By Chuck Blakeman Founder, Chief Transformation Officer, Crankset Group
​
If it weren't for people, my business would be perfect. Business is sometimes simple; dealing with people is hard. Peacemaking fixes that. Peacekeeping makes it worse.

At any given time, one-third of us are bugged about something someone is doing at work, and Accenture says a stunning 35% of people who quit do so to avoid confronting an interpersonal issue.
There are two ways to deal with an issue: now or later ("never" falls under later). Successful people do not live passively, just hoping stuff will work out. They understand the golden rule of relationships--peacemaking beats peacekeeping every time.

Peacekeepers don't want to make waves, rock the boat, or risk tension in a relationship. So instead they let a lot of small issues just pile up until there is no choice but to dump the truck. Instead of dealing with each "border skirmish" as it comes up, they ignore them until they find themselves in World War III. Peacekeepers are more concerned about present peace than long-term relationships.

Peacemakers understand that dealing with issues as they arise keeps them small, keeps the slate clean, and builds an environment of trust where no one is waiting to be blind-sided by someone blowing up at them. Peacemakers always have the other person's best interests at heart, and are willing to confront small tensions in order to ensure no big ones can fester and explode.

Here's a short list of common things we tend to ignore in order to keep the short-term peace. See if you find one you're ignoring right now:
• You're micro-managing me.
• You lack initiative (or productivity).
• I've screwed up (being vulnerable).
• Nobody respects you, they just fear you.
• You're too much of a victim at work.
• You're very productive, but a lone ranger.
• You're more interested in beating the other guy than producing.
• Here is why I chose Tom for that project and not you.
• You're gossiping, please stop.
• We have to let you go; here's why.

Peacekeepers find someone else (usually a manager) to deal with their problems. In our company, no one is allowed to talk to anyone else about interpersonal issues they are having with someone. If you have an issue with someone, you need to deal with it, not pawn it off on someone else, which we view as gossip. The rule: If you are not part of the problem or part of the solution, it's gossip. Be an adult and talk to them yourself.
​
Here's seven steps to Peacemaking:
1) Where? For a difficult conversation, pick a neutral location, not your office. And don't discuss hard things over food. Work through some possible anxious moments without other distractions.
2) Motive? Do you want them to respond and change, or do you want to squash them? If you get excited about how this conversation could help that person grow, you will approach it differently. And you won't go in angry "for the kill", but empathetic "for the change".
3) Clarity? Be clear about the issue, and stay focused on it. Choose one thing and don't be pulled off of it by the conversation. Successful people confront one thing at a time--pick your battles.
4) Listening? Don't assume. Ask questions and be prepared that they will have a completely different view of the situation than you. You might change your whole "spiel" once you listen.
5) Your Responsibility? Did you play a part in causing the issue? Or is your responsibility simply to be Outside Eyes and give them a different perspective than their own? Own up to your own stuff.
6) Fear? Peacekeepers fear not being liked. Peacemakers focus on how the other person might benefit from the discussion, and also understand that putting it off to be liked now is probably going to make it a bigger deal later.
7) Continue? Maintain the relationship--sometimes you can't, but do your best to share the issue in a way that allows you both to leave the conversation with dignity and continue talking later. Nobody is supposed to win or lose, we're supposed to grow.
Successful people are Peacemakers, not Peacekeepers. It may be harder in the short run, but it's always easier and more beneficial in the long run.
​
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How Not to Waste Precious Time - Live in the 'Now', in the Moment

19/11/2015

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by Suzie Doscher

Eckhart Tolle refers to living in the “Now”, which means being able to see and feel what your life is in the present moment. If you are standing in a beautiful park or by a calming body of water, it is possible to actually see the trees, feel the flow and energy of the water, instead of being lost in your thoughts. These thoughts will put you into an entirely different location even if you are not there physically.

After all, almost everyone would agree that the present moment, the “Now”, is all we have. In light of all the sad unpredictable events going on in the world right now this is even more relevant. 
​

It seems odd that we do not just naturally live in the “Now”

Most people do not live in the “Now” and have to learn how to do so. This involves not only being able to see the trees but also keep the focus on what you can influence today and in the moment. If it is in the future or the past it is actually not relevant to the moment. When you concentrate more on the present, life becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. This becomes a powerful technique to step out of stress. 

Here are steps to take to “being in the moment”:

  1. Realize and accept that you are free to choose in each and every moment – not only what you do, but also what you think. This awareness is the first, and often the hardest, step to integrate into daily life. It is, however, an important truth.
  2. Become aware of where your thoughts are taking you. 
  3. Find a way, a little trick or an image that will support you in breaking your thoughts right now.
    ​​Some people imagine putting their thoughts into a cloud that is passing by, or into a boat that they then push away from shore, really negative thoughts can be placed into a building that you then blow up! Another way is to pinch yourself or turn in a circle a few times. Anything that will snap you out of your thoughts.  Find something that suits your personality.
​
Our minds tend to take us to places and times that are not real. They might have been real a few hours ago. By mastering the art of living in the moment, you are taking good care and being very kind to yourself. That alone should make it worth the effort.
​
want to learn how - contact us for a free intro to coaching chat
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How to Handle Your Toxic Boss or Colleague

8/11/2015

 

Schedule your free first consultation with us 
and let's talk about 
how you handle your toxic boss or colleague.

Comment by Suzie Doscher: 
Too many times have I witnessed and heard about meetings that are about scheduling the next meeting rather than knowing exactly what comes next. I like the paragraph in this article: "Another sign of a toxic boss is confusion about goals. For instance, if at the end of meetings led by your supervisor no one is clear about "next steps," it may be due to the intentionally vague and obfuscatory language used. Too many buzzwords and conflicting goals means that your "toxic" boss may not want anyone to take any action without consulting with him/her." 

By Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick

Early in the development of our business books we experienced a surge of interest in our leadership training offerings. Our speaking and workshop business tripled in just one year. But with the growth came challenges. We debated how to structure ourselves and where to focus people and budget.

To allow us to focus the majority of our time with clients and writing books, we brought in a senior leader and turned the business side of our enterprise completely over to him. We assumed that meant standardized billing, finding more resources, and reminding us of our P&L once a month. The executive had other ideas. Within weeks of coming in, with little idea about our business, and having spoken to no one on the team, he saw the indecisiveness inherent in the growing operation and became a dictator by default. He began making big decisions: announcing for instance that he would bring in new managers over our loyal people and remove team members who had worked for us for years. At the breakfast meeting where he informed us of his plan and nixed any further discussion, one of us remembers wondering what prison sentence we would have to serve if we stuck the sharp end of a fork in the man’s eye.

Before he arrived we’d had a fluid, dynamic team that used constant collaboration to solve problems and deliver work. Roles had evolved as needed, not under a hierarchical command-and-control structure, but under a team model where we all felt equal responsibility for success or failure. Ironically it was through the interaction with this manager that we learned the incredible value of what we had just lost. What followed was a very difficult year spent trying to reach a level of cooperation. Eventually we parted ways with the leader and achieved autonomy again, having learned our lesson the hard way: There are toxic leaders among us.

A recent study by Accenture shows the most commonly cited reasons people leave a job:

  • Don’t like my boss (31%)
  • A lack of empowerment (31%),
  • Internal politics (35%) and
  • Lack of recognition (43%).
It would be hard to argue, as a manager, that we don’t control all of those four items.

Whether you are considering making a move to work for a new boss, or you are trying to figure out the person you work for now, what follows is a short list of traits we’ve found toxic managers exhibit. Work for these people at your peril:

You Have to Fight For Access: Most problems with toxic bosses seemed to arise from a lack of communication. Our friend Tom McDonald is one of the most talented graphic designers we know (his name has been changed to protect him from his toxic boss): “When I realized a direct supervisor I had considered it a rare privilege for others to be allowed access to his office for approvals—and he expected me (and others) to fight for that access—I knew it would result in serious inefficiencies.” Tom added that his department was located a whopping 11 floors away from his boss’s office! And yet he rarely received replies to his emailed questions either. “I’d say a reply rate of 30 percent or less to serious and direct emailed business questions rates a toxic label,” he said. “One might be tempted to believe that the intent was to foster a sense of independent decision-making, but this supervisor was very hands-on. So the net result was a deadening inertia that enveloped all projects.” 

They Don’t Need No Stinking Goals: Another sign of a toxic boss is confusion about goals. For instance, if at the end of meetings led by your supervisor no one is clear about "next steps," it may be due to the intentionally vague and obfuscatory language used. Too many buzzwords and conflicting goals means that your "toxic" boss may not want anyone to take any action without consulting with him/her.

You Are Ostracized by Association: “One of the first things I noticed working for that boss was that no one in other departments wanted to work with my supervisor or us,” Tom said. “We were actively avoided, and that was probably due to the fact that our office was run according to the paranoid rule of ‘Do Unto Them Before They Do It to You’—treating all potential partners as adversaries.” 

They are Never Wrong: Toxic leaders refuse to admit they ever make mistakes. In fact, if you can’t remember the last time your boss admitted he or she was wrong, or even asked for the team’s advice when they were stuck, your boss may be toxic. But there’s a twist to this point: Another trait of never-wrong bosses is they typically only see others through their own lenses. We once worked with a senior leader who was a decent person, but he had a hang up. He believed sales people who were commission-driven were greedy, and workers who asked for raises were self-centered and narcissistic. Anyone who brought up money in his office found themselves with a black mark on their record. This leader was idealistic and purpose-driven, believing all workers were there for the good of the company and the customer. Certainly a noble goal! But he failed to acknowledge that some people are more reward-driven. They can’t help it; it’s in their natures. Great leaders accept their people have different motivators and find ways to tap into them to achieve big things.

They Have Favorites. Everyone has someone on the team they mesh better with, personality wise, even bosses. And that’s understandable. But toxic bosses push favoritism past the point of fairness—giving out plum assignments, promotions and undue attention, and typically to a sycophantic employee no one else seems to like.

The Cost? Gallup estimates that active disengagement from a toxic boss costs the U.S. $450 billion to $550 billion per year. That’s a lot of lost production and frustrated talent!

We could go on: Toxic bosses over promise, they aren’t trustworthy, they take credit for your work, and so on. But we’ll leave the list at 5 for now because we’d love to hear from you. How do you know you’re working for a Toxic Boss?

Chester Elton's latest book, written with co-author Adrian Gostick, is What Motivates Me,aimed at helping readers align the work they do every day, for the rest of their lives, with what truly motivates them.

Elton and Gostick are also the New York Times bestselling authors of The Carrot Principle and All In.


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