Coaching Blog
The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

​By Suzie Doscher
 
It is that time of year again, if spending time with the family is not the easiest see if any of these tips can help you for those difficult moments. If you just take one and try it out, it will be better than not having any support for the moment.

Time with family can trigger many emotions from the past or the present. If you have chosen to spend the time with family finding it stressful the best thing you can do for yourself is to be considerate and thoughtful in your actions with yourself and with your family.

• If possible take a break and leave the room. Find a quiet space, even the bathroom will do. Compose yourself by taking at least three deep breaths. As you exhale, imagine a little bit of the tension leaving your body. (I find it helpful to visualize a dark cloud dissipating.
• Gather your thoughts and let your feeling settle.
• Keep your focus on exactly what has been going on that is causing you the stress. Is it the overall situation or one person in particular?
• Once you know specifically what has thrown you off balance, think about what you can now do to influence how you are feeling.
• Is it a question of acceptance i.e. ‘You cannot change people but you can change how you react to them’, then ask yourself what do you have to accept?  Is it how this person behaves that rubs you the wrong way, or do you have left over wounds that could use some attention, or are you simply exhausted and not in the mood for a family gathering, or...
• Think carefully of what exactly you can influence in this moment. Can you influence how others are, can you influence the overall mood or can you influence how you are?
• Having thought things through you may find your perspective on the problem has changed. Remember the only thing you can influence is your reaction to events – not the events themselves!
• Hopefully you will find that haven taken these few moments for yourself to consider what is causing you the stress will have left you feeling a bit calmer and more grounded to re-enter the room more composed.

by Suzie Doscher

​Employees stay where they are when they are paid well, mentored, challenged, promoted, involved, appreciated, valued, on a mission, empowered, trusted.
 
As an employee, what is your responsibility in all this?

• Paid well:  Know your value, grow as a person and master your field, this will allow you to negotiate and be financially rewarded.
• Mentored: Find a mentor who can support you with stimulating and challenging conversations/brain-storming sessions, encourage you when you need it, motivate you and who believes in you. 
• Challenged: When you feel challenged there is room to grow, learn and acquire new skills.
• Promoted: Have the courage and gain the self confidence to be seen and stand out...this will show you are worth promoting.
• Involved: When you are included you feel not only valued but also involved.
• Appreciated: Appreciation can come with the smallest action. A boss or team member noticing something you did and acknowledging it. You feel seen therefore appreciated.
• Valued: Value yourself first. When you are appreciated, involved, empowered by the company feeling valued will be sustainable if you value yourself.
• On a mission: Know the goal for the team, project, company this will keep you motivated.
• Empowered: Being given freedom to ‘do your thing’ makes you feel believed in, valued, empowered. A good boss will know how to delegate to make you feel empowered.
• Trusted: Show you are trustworthy, have integrity and the right ethics and you will feel the trust.

​by Suzie Doscher and Susan Begeman Steiner of The Coaching Group of Switzerland

Confidence is a hot topic in business. Usually people worry about having too little confidence because that makes it difficult to take action in many situations.  These are some areas where confidence (or lack thereof) show up:

• Communication  - expressing yourself, asking for clarification if you do not understand or are not sure etc.
• Focus – Trusting your capabilities, feeling confident about them for example can result in increased focus
• Motivation  - Believing in yourself can increase your willingness to take risks and be excited about new projects
• Time management – Being realistic about how you schedule your day, giving yourself enough time to complete tasks. This is influenced by your level of confidence and allows you to have increased confidence.

• Stress management – Feeling comfortable setting boundaries, taking time out all require confidence.

 
It takes confidence to say 'no'
 
You need a certain amount of confidence to deal with the possible  consequences of saying ‘no’. Without enough confidence, you probably won’t risk this, even if it could lead to good consequences.
 
So confidence is great, right? But what about when you are over-confident?
 
Results of having too much confidence:

• You can inadvertently roll over others who are less confident, causing you to miss out on their good ideas
• Brainstorming with others can feel like a waste of time
• Holding onto your own opinions (and not being open to hearing from others) makes the world a very black/white place – and you can end up in the dark
• Someone’s thoughtful or considerate suggestion might feel like a criticism to you and cause you to get defensive instead of listening
• Humility can seem like a quality that only the saints have

 
As with confidence, every ‘good’ trait has a dark side. That leaves us in a balancing act between too little and too much. Finding that balance in each moment is where awareness comes in. Knowing and being honest with yourself with help raise your awareness.