Breaking the Nasty Habit of Self-Sabotage

by Suzie Doscher

Feel like you keep facing the same uphill struggle? 

Sometimes you create your own problems with your thoughts and beliefs. It is these particular thoughts that hold you back, keep you stuck and consequently limit you. In my coaching practice as well as my own personal experience, I have witnessed how a self-sabotage routine can be created with these thoughts and beliefs. If you find that you keep coming back to the same type of situation again and again, it is well worth exploring if, in fact, you are running a self-sabotage routine.
 
To break this self-sabotage cycle, you will need to first determine what this limiting thought or belief is. Once you have figured that out (by yourself, with the help of a friend/boss or qualified coach), consider the information below to help yourself make a lasting change. 
 
The best approach is to replace whatever you are thinking is with a thought that is more positive. For example: 

• "I am not sure how to..." can turn into, "I will find the time to work out how to do this."
• "I do not have the time," turns into, "If I had the time, this is what I would do."

General information to remember:

• What you believe controls your reality. 
• To change your reality (and consequently your behaviour), you need to change your beliefs. Beliefs are opinions treated as if they were facts.
• A belief will determine your capabilities, which in turn drives your behaviour.

Challenge your belief:

• Where does it come from?
• What is it costing you?
• How helpful / unhelpful is this way of thinking?
• What exactly is true for you about this belief?
• Find a way to rephrase this belief that is currently limiting you.
  
  

Example of rephrasing a limiting belief:

• I do not know how to ________ can be rephrased with anyone of these:

1. I might not know how to, but I can find a way.
2. I can think about it, make a plan, ask people, research it. 
3. I can make an effort to figure out how to __________.

 
Lastly, it is vital to make a short list of the reasons why you are putting the effort into changing this. You will be able to refer back to the list for motivation when you are feeling a bit deflated. Below are some questions you can answer to come up with this list:

Be patient with yourself. Changing behaviour takes a little more time than having an 'aha' moment in your thinking. Thinking is cognitive, behaviour involves emotions.
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For support to help break your own self-sabotaging behaviours, contact one of our coaches.