How to Give Straight Feedback to a Difficult Employee

One of the hardest jobs a leader has is giving corrective feedback to someone whose behavior is difficult, aka "the difficult employee." This person's behavior is adversely affecting the team, not just you. You've tried all the soft approaches like ignoring the behavior, making a joke about it, dropping hints -- and still he persists. 

Finally the time has come to deal with this head on. You need to give him straight feedback. Most people would rather scratch their fingernails down a chalkboard than do that, but, hey, you are the leader, so it's your job. You bravely say yes, but wonder privately if, by talking to him straight, you're going to make things even worse. 

What if you could give this feedback to him in a way that would solve the problem and even enhance your working relationship with him? What if he would actually thank you at the end of the conversation, grateful that you cared enough to talk to him about it? This is possible!

Here are 5 steps to follow in order to to make the biggest difference possible. You might consider experimenting with these steps also when the stakes are lower, BEFORE an employee get labeled as  "difficult." 
1.      Prepare for the conversation ahead of time.

• Do not wing it. Think of one or two specific incidents where his behavior was difficult. Consider what his motivation might have been? Try to see this from his eyes.
• Think about what you want him to do differently.  
• Schedule time as soon after the incident as possible to meet  with him.
• When you set up the meeting with him, let him know it is serious.

​2.      At the meeting, first state your observations. Describe the incident and what happened.

• Be specific and objective. (“At our meeting yesterday, you said…”)
• If you are being objective, then he will be able to agree about the facts.  (He might say, “Well, yes, I did say that, but…”)
• Avoid making judgmental comments like, "You disrupted the whole meeting." Stick to the facts. 

3.     Then tell him what happened as a result of his behavior and how he affected you personally.

• Again, be specific. (“After you said that, this happened...”)
• DO NOT mention that others agree with you, even if they do. This is between you and him.
• Then be honest about your own feelings. (“When you did that, I felt...”) If he knows the personal cost of his actions, he will be more likely to change.

4.    Now ask for his views about your observation, outcome and/or assumptions. 

• “This is how I see it and I’d like to know how it is for you.” Then LISTEN.
• Try not to interrupt him. 
• As you listen to what he says, you might learn something new. 

5.    Finally, request what you want him to do differently in the future.

• Propose the change you want him to make. 
• Do not wimp out at this point and say that everything is fine. It still isn’t fine. 
• You may need to negotiate with him, but stay true to yourself. 
• End with your confidence that he will succeed in making the changes.

As hard as it might be to confront a problem directly, remember that until you address the situation and ask for something different, you are actually part of the problem. Most people appreciate getting respectful, straight feedback about behaviors they need to change. 

​by Susan Begeman Steiner
​Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

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