Deep Patel - ENTREPRENEUR LEADERSHIP NETWORK VIP, Serial Entrepreneur
Self-sabotage occurs when your logical, conscious mind (the side of you that says you need to eat healthily and save money) is at odds with your subconscious mind (the side of you that stress-eats chocolate and goes on online shopping binges). The latter is your anti-self -- that critical inner voice that seems to hold you back and sabotage your efforts.
Self-sabotage involves behaviors or thoughts that keep you away from what you desire most in life. It’s that internal sentiment gnawing at us, saying “you can’t do this.”
This is really your subconscious trying to protect you, prevent pain and deal with deep-seated fear. But the result of self-sabotage is that we hesitate instead of seizing new challenges. We forgo our dreams and goals. In the end, we know we missed out, but we don’t understand why.
So what can we do to stop the self-limiting behaviors? Here are eight steps you can start taking immediately to stop self-sabotaging your success.
By Kate Morgan
Last week, two close friends officially postponed weddings planned for later in the year. “I know this is overdue,” wrote one in a text to me and the other bridesmaids, “but it’s given me a pit in my stomach every time I go to hit send.” Then she sent a digital version of her “Change the Date”, a replacement for the Save the Date notecard stuck to my refrigerator.
For the first half of the year, the uncertainty of the pandemic’s spread has made it nearly impossible to predict whether anything will happen as we imagined it would. “I think we’re all being made keenly aware that the control we thought we had is maybe more fragile than we believed,” says Shevaun Neupert, a professor of psychology at North Carolina State University.
But putting the future into a perpetual holding pattern is tough on mental health. Studies have shown strong ties between an unclear future and anxiety, and intolerance of uncertainty has been shown to correlate strongly with depression.
By Marina Khidekel, Head of Content Development at Thrive Global
There’s no doubt that the coronavirus pandemic disrupted our routines — but in doing so, it’s also forced us to rethink our relationship with time in meaningful ways. As Dean Kissick writes in a recent New York Times op-ed, the opportunity lies in being able to “see time afresh — as something we really don’t have enough of, as something precious precisely because it’s ephemeral.”
We asked our Thrive community to share the unexpected lessons they’ve learned about time during the pandemic, and about the strategies they’re using to manage their time better. Which of these will you implement as we move forward?
An article by Tony Schwartz
The last several months have been, in many ways, the richest, most exciting and most creative period of my life. Still, as I prepare to take off most of the month of August, I’m feeling edgy, worn out and a bit overwhelmed.
I’m sputtering to the finish line, running near empty.
“How often should you vacation?” I was asked after a talk I gave this week. It dawned on me that I’d let my own balance tip. My to do list had runneth over. I have not taken off more than two full days in a row for six months.
The consequence is that I feel not just tired, but less able to think clearly and creatively, more at the mercy of my emotions.
By Glenn Leibowitz
The ubiquity of smartphones and their suffocating grasp on people's attention makes me long for the days when they didn't yet exist.
There was a time, not too long ago in fact, when people were more inclined to make eye contact with each other and engage in a thoughtful, two-way conversation. While I'm not quite declaring the end of this fundamental social function, I am lamenting its slow demise. Having a good conversation is rapidly becoming a lost art.
Fortunately, though, there are some really gifted conversationalists who continue to bear the torch and light the way for the rest of us, like Teri Gross, the long-time host and co-executive producer of NPR's "Fresh Air." Gross has interviewed thousands of people over the course of her four-decade career.
In a recent article in The New York Times, Gross offers advice on a question that is relevant to all of us: How do you have a good conversation? Here are just four of the several useful tips she shares:
By Evy Poumpouras
Think about the differences in these two sentences:
Look what I became.
Look what became of me.
Despite the small word difference, what do these sentences say about the speaker’s mental attitude? Although they’re nearly identical statements, one is active and the other is passive. In the first sentence, the speaker has taken ownership over their life and became something by doing something. She owns the results, regardless of what those results are. Her approach and self-commitment have made her powerful, and that power came from within—hence a powerful mental attitude.
By Marcel Schwantes
In 2016, the World Economic Forum released its fascinating Future of Jobs Report, where they asked chief human resources officers from global companies what they saw as the top 10 job skills required for workers to thrive by 2020.
One skill projected for success in 2020 that didn’t even crack the top 10 list in 2015 was — you guessed it — emotional intelligence.
According to many experts in the field, emotional intelligence has become an important predictor of job success for nearly two decades, even surpassing technical ability.
In one noteworthy CareerBuilder survey of more than 2,600 U.S. hiring managers and human resources professionals, it was found that “fifty-nine percent of employers would not hire someone who has a high IQ but low [emotional intelligence].”
In fact, 75 percent of survey respondents said they’re more likely to promote someone with high emotional intelligence over someone with high IQ.
Companies are placing a high value on workers with emotional intelligence for several reasons. In my own studies and observations over the years as a leadership coach, here are six that really stand out....
By Marc Chernoff
As the Dalai Lama once said, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.“
In other words, worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its possibilities.
How would your life be different if you stopped worrying and started truly doing what you are capable of doing? Let today be the day you free yourself from worthless worry, seize the possibilities and take effective action on things you can change.
Make a stand. Be proactive. Stop simply worrying about:
By Alison Doyle
Looking for a job can be a bit like dating. It can be easy to go online and find a match for a first date, but what happens after that is what matters the most. Will that first date (or first interview) turn into a long-term relationship? Or is it going to be a bust?
Job searching can be hard work. It’s not just a question of finding a job – any job. It’s important to find the right job, a job that is an excellent fit for you now and for the future, either as a stepping stone for your career or as an opportunity you’ll be comfortable with for the long haul. If it's the wrong job, you'll end up having to start a job search all over again if the position doesn't work out. Besides it being stressful, you'll need to avoid being considered a job hopper when writing your resume.
By Bryan Robinson, Ph.D., Psychotherapist in Private Practice and Author of 40 books.
It’s human nature for our minds to wander from time to time. In fact, yours could be wandering right now. You could be thinking about what you ate for lunch and what you “should” have eaten. You could be worrying about unpaid bills, an unfinished writing project, or a promised deadline to your publisher.
Take a minute and give your mind full permission to wander. Notice where it goes without trying to change anything. This counterintuitive strategy is much like leaning into a curve when riding a motorcycle — even though your thoughts might try to get you to lean the opposite way. This practice can actually relax the mind because we’re leaning in by noticing, not struggling to make something happen.
Like Grand Central Station, wandering minds have so many thoughts coming and going they prevent us from being fully present during our writing moments and from pausing and catching our breath. Studies show when we stray, we pay — we’re more stressed-out and unhappy when our minds wander than when we stay in the here and now. We’re happier no matter what we’re doing — even working overtime, vacuuming, or stuck in traffic — if we’re focused on the activity instead of thinking about something else.
Pay attention and fully engage in each moment to keep your mind relaxed and alert at the same time; your writing will take on a fresh glow plus well-being and productivity will soar.
Excerpt from Daily Writing Resilience by Bryan E. Robinson, PhD, with permission from the author and publisher.
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