Stop Wasting Good Energy by Reacting - Change your reactions to constructive actions

​By Suzie Doscher
​Learning how to respond to a situation rather than just reacting to it brings huge rewards. Needless to say, it is one of those behaviour changes that is easier said than done. However it can be achieved.

Responding rather than reacting means you will have taken time to consider the situation and which response and consequent outcome best suits you. 
 
The difference between reacting and responding:​

• To respond means you are able to influence your emotions in the moment when something has triggered them. You are able to stop yourself from saying or doing something you might regret. 
• You stop yourself long enough until your emotions have settled down and you can think clearly.

To react means you are not able to influence your emotions and you act full of emotion rather than coming from a place of clarity.
 
What you gain by stopping knee-jerk reactions is a sense of strength, achievement, power to influence, calmness, plus an increase in your self-esteem. The rewards will be felt not only in your private life, but also at work.

As with all behavioral changes time and patience will be necessary, and you should allow yourself to make mistakes during this reprogramming.

Different kinds of reactions: 

• Damage can result from spontaneous reactions and sometimes cannot be undone, e.g., in situations where a good first impression is crucial. During a job interview, an overreaction or reacting without consideration can result in not getting called back for a second interview.
• There are also reactions that fall under the heading of the best defense is a good offense. If you get triggered, you might react defensively. The outcome of an offensive reaction is rarely what you would like it to be.
• Some people create situations in which they can react – the bigger, louder, and more dramatically, the better. These are people who thrive on chaos. This kind of dramatic reaction allows them to control the situation. In this case, it is best to walk away.
• During emergencies or a life-and-death situation, your instinctive reactions serve you well. These are not the reactions I am referring to here.

 
Everybody has certain relationships or situations that bring out the worst reactions or overreactions. Feeling busy and stressed can magnify a reaction. In contrast, when you are relaxed, you are better able to take time to assess the options and possible responses to achieve your desired result.
 
Eight tips to help you learn how to stop reacting and start responding:

1. Commit yourself to making this change in your behavior. Accept that it will take time and require some patience.
2. Start noticing what triggers you. Maybe it is a certain type of conversation, being with a particular person, being ignored, getting interrupted, feeling time pressure, or being unable to communicate clearly.
3. Get to know what specifically triggers a reaction in you. What is it about the tone of voice, the chosen words, the message, or body language that pushes that button in you?
4. Once you have familiarized yourself with the triggers, imagine how it would be or look if you dealt with them in a different manner than usual.
5. Imagine a situation in the future when you respond without immediately reacting. How will you feel? Who will you be?
6. Now think about what the possible options are in the moment when your trigger goes off. How can you buy yourself some time to avoid reacting? Is it possible to leave the room, ask the person to call you back later, take some deep breaths, find the self-respect to say, “I will get back to you on that?"
7. Get to know this feeling. It will encourage and motivate you.
8. Make a list, if only a mental one, of the steps you plan on taking to stop yourself from reacting.

 
In summary, by learning how to respond rather than react you are giving yourself:
 

• Choice– having taken the time to reflect upon the situation, you tend to have more options to choose from than just the one, which was a reaction.
• Power– you keep your personal power by taking the best possible care of yourself in not reacting, and waiting until you can respond constructively. This makes you feel strong.
• Less Stress– by buying some time to make a constructive choice you avoid the emotions in a reaction that drain you.
• Calm– knowing that you can cope with situations that in the past have pushed your buttons brings a calm, an inner peace into your life.
• Increased Self-Esteem– another step up the ladder with this added new tool in your personal growth and development automatically increases your self-esteem.

An Excerpt from 'Act Not React - How to Change Your Reactive Behavior' 
‘Balance – A Practical Handbook and Workbook for Life’s Difficult Moments
by Suzie Doscher

To explore how this topic can improve your life, contact suzie or one of our other coaches