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Coaching Blog
The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

There is an Elephant in the Room

15/3/2018

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Difficult-Conversations-CoachingSwitzerland-Elephant-in-the-room.jpeg
What makes us avoid certain topics of conversation?
by Suzie Doscher

Addressing the issue would bring clarity and awareness. And yet it is fascinating how quickly talking about a topic that, in fact, is hurting everybody in some way or another is avoided. The problem could be dealt with and a sense of clarity, peace, and calm could return. Yet the elephant, the sometimes very large elephant, is ignored and walked around, everyone trying to pretend that athe elephant does not actually exist.
 
Imagine you are in a situation with an elephant in the room. For example, let us say the issue is a miscommunication.:
It is painfully obvious you are walking around the elephant. The air is so thick you could cut it and anybody entering the room can feel this, it is that obvious. Rather than asking what the reasons for this behavior are, you mask your hurt, confusion, frustration, or anger by being superficial and polite. When If someone asks you what is wrong or if you’re okay, you answer: “I am fine.”
 
Think about it, your polite “I am fine” is, in fact, a miscommunication. You are doing exactly what hurt, confused, frustrated or made you angry in the first place -- not communicating openly. You are withholding the truth by not communicating it. Communicating more openly would mean saying one of the following statements:
​
  • You did not tell me you were going to ...
  • You hurt my feelings by...
  • I need more clarity on how to …
  • I seem to have misunderstood ...
  • I feel disrespected when you ...

From my coaching clients, I hear many examples of this scenario in the work place. Employees are fearful of asking their managers or leaders for more clarity related to the objectives or processes of a project. Bosses believe it is a waste to spend time, interact, and work more closely with their team. Often because they believe that if they do that, the work will fall behind!
​

The stories go on and on. There are lots of elephants out there!

You can be someone who helps get the elephant out of the room. Contact us for a free introductory session.

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suzie@coachgroupofch.ch
​Phone: + 41 443 59 54
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