• Home
  • Coaching
    • Executive Coaching
    • Team Coaching
    • Communication Coaching
  • Programs
  • Coaches
  • Testimonials
  • Self-help Books
  • Blog
  • Contact / FAQ's
The Coaching Group of Switzerland
  • Home
  • Coaching
    • Executive Coaching
    • Team Coaching
    • Communication Coaching
  • Programs
  • Coaches
  • Testimonials
  • Self-help Books
  • Blog
  • Contact / FAQ's

Coaching Blog
The Coaching Group Of Switzerland

We are what we say. We say what we are - the importance of listening to words carefully

5/9/2019

0 Comments

 
​By Davide Costella
​Have you ever wondered why sometimes you are able to persuade someone and other times not? Why some presentations sparked emotions in you and other presentations seemed boring? Why you find it difficult to get along with some of your colleagues, but others you get along with fine?
​
The answer lies in how language is used. You speak thousands of words per day, but are you aware of how those words can affect you and the people around you? 
With language, we build our identities. With language, we create the Company’s missions and vision. With language, we build and dismantle relationships. Basically, everything we do is done through language and this is why it is so important to communicate consciously.

if you want to master the art of communication, one of the first aspects you need to practice is listening. Listening to the exact words a person uses allows you to capture valuable information that the person may not even realize he is giving you. People use specific words for a reason. Words are the way we express how we feel inside, what we believe and so on. So the words a person chooses to use can give you a hint at what’s going on inside him. This hint lets you know how to respond in the most effective way. Here are a couple examples:

1.  As your direct report is discussing his development plan with you, he tells you that he has realized he does not like what he is doing anymore.

By listening carefully to his words, you as a manager can pick on the fact that his motivation is driven by moving away from something painful (“I don’t like what I’m doing”), which is a different motivation than being driven towards something (“I want to learn more about digital marketing”). It is like saying I want to quit smoking because I want to feel better (moving toward) or because I’ve had enough with coughing every morning (moving away from). Both are strong motivations, but call for different responses.

Knowing which motivation is at play, helps you know how to answer in a way that creates rapport. For example, you say, “Okay, I understand that you have had enough of what you are doing; you’ve been in your current role for 5 years. Tell me more about what’s going on.” This approach is more powerful than the way most managers might respond, “Yes, okay, but tell me what you do want to do and where you want to go.” Starting with a response that aligns with his motivation creates rapport. This could serve him better since he might not be clear yet on where he wants to go. This is a subtle, but very powerful way to ensure you can help others to feel comfortable enough to speak freely about what they need.

2.  Another aspect that is very important to pay attention to is how people use modal verbs. A modal verb is a type of verb that is used to indicate modality – that is: likelihood, ability, permission, request, capacity, suggestions, order and obligation, advice, etc.  Let’s imagine that you ask someone on your project team to complete a task and she answers: “Okay, I could do that this week.” The word “could” expresses a choice to either do something or not to do it. Hearing that, you can ask a few more questions to be sure she will actually get the job done, such as:

 “Do you see any obstacles to getting this completed?”
“ What do you need to get the job done?”
“How confident are you of getting this done on a scale 0-5?”
​
As a project manager, you want to ensure that people are capable of accomplishing their tasks on time. Listening carefully to the words they use as they accept a job is a powerful way to support them.
​
In conclusion, the words people use are the mirrors of their thoughts and emotions. It is therefore very important that you (a) listen carefully to the words that are used and (b) ask the right questions to better understand the context.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can communicate more effectively, contact Davide Costella. 

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Blog Home

    ​Self-Help Book / Personal Development
    by Suzie Doscher
    3
    rd Edition

    Picture
    Buy your book at Amazon
    BALANCE - offers you support  in life's difficult moments. 
    This book is about change and finding balance in life. Full of self-coaching exercises to help you learn and grow.

    Available in Paperback and Kindle at Amazon stores worldwide
    Audiobook narrated by Suzie Doscher on Amazon, Audible or iTunes

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Balance
    Business Coach In Lausanne
    Business Coach Zurich
    Coaching
    Coaching In Lausanne
    Coaching In Zurich
    Coaching Switzerland
    Coaching Switzerlandd
    Communication
    Core Values
    Covid 19
    Covid- 19
    Davide Costella
    Effectiveness
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empowerment
    Executive Coach
    Executive Coaching In Zurich
    Happiness
    Joy
    Leadership
    Life Coaching
    Life Coach Zurich
    Mindfulness
    Motivation
    Networking
    Neuroscience
    New Years Resolutions 2019
    Organizational Culture
    Other
    Pandemic
    Personal Development
    Seb Jauslin
    Start Ups
    Staying Focused
    Susan Begeman Steiner
    Suzie Doscher
    Team Coaching
    Virtual Coaching

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013

Contact info:


Suzie Doscher
Executive Coach for Self Development
​ 
​
Email Suzie
​Phone: + 41 43 443 59 54
www.suziedoscher.com
Linktree
Susan Begeman Steiner
Executive Coach
Team Coaching / Team Facilitation

​Email Susan
​Phone: + 41 78 798 83 99
www.sbsteinercoaching.com
Davide Costella
Communication Coaching
​NLP Coach

Email Davide
​Phone: +41 76 358 37 28
www.davidecostella.com
Seb Jauslin
Executive Coach for Daring Leaders and Lawyers 

​Email Seb
Phone: +41 76 202 01 13
​www.sebjauslin.com
Linktree

  • Home
  • Coaching
    • Executive Coaching
    • Team Coaching
    • Communication Coaching
  • Programs
  • Coaches
  • Testimonials
  • Self-help Books
  • Blog
  • Contact / FAQ's