In the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of a “control freak” is “a person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control over themselves and others and to take command of any situation.” The Merriam Webster dictionary says that a control freak is “a person whose behaviour indicates a powerful need to control people or circumstances in everyday matters.”
This personality trait could stem from a chaotic childhood, alcoholic parents, abusive behaviour, or early abandonment. Such experiences can make it hard for people to trust or relinquish control to others. The fear of falling apart pushes them to control what they can. As their emotions are all over the place, they feel loss of control. For this reason control freaks will micromanage whatever they can with the belief that this makes them strong. People who feel out of control tend to become controllers.
I imagine each and every one of us is a control freak, or takes on the behaviour of such, at some point or another. The fear of failure is what makes it so important to control everything when you do not trust anybody else to do a good job.
One difficult aspect of being around a control freak is accepting that they do not understand how their behaviour and choice of words affect the people around them. Another difficult aspect is not to take it personally. This behaviour comes from deep inside and the person is actually quite unaware of being a control freak.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack who struggled with communicating effectively with his wife, Jane. He would often get defensive and shut down during arguments, causing tension and frustration in their relationship.
One day, Jack decided he needed to make a change. He had heard about a technique called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which could help him improve his communication skills and build stronger relationships.
With the help of an NLP coach, Jack learned a variety of tools and techniques to improve his communication with Jane. Here are a few of the most effective techniques he learned:
Why is responding ignored? Is it not a sign of respect, a sign of kindness just to respond with 1 word even? Is it time consuming?
I know that we receive nowadays many invitations, many marketing materials, people reaching out to people to either connect or find synergies. An over flux of information that a busy professional cant always follow or has the desire even to spend energy on a response. Or spend time on it as we are overloaded and feeling exhausted.
If you put yourself in the shoes of the person who asked and you don’t get a response, how would you feel? Offended, not taken seriously, not being recognized?
As business owners, we reach out to people, and I do the same. On the other hand, I receive lots of requests as well, offers and marketing requests via email, over Instagram, Facebook and Linkedin.
Here’s what I’ve done:
I blocked my calendar for a 2-hour meeting with myself one Friday morning a month. At this meeting with myself, I reflect on my activities. This has helped me to become more focused, improve as a professional and be more aware of how I use my time. One Friday morning per month, I ask myself questions like these:
To answer these questions, I look through my calendar for the past month and reflect on what I can do to improve my performance.
If you try this for yourself, you might notice that you have had a more assertive/challenging style of leadership. Or you may observe that your primary emotions were frustration and anger, and that your energy tank tended to be half empty all the time. Awareness of these issues could be the trigger you need to figure out how to change your behaviour in order to better achieve a desired result.
Without realising it, we often operate on autopilot. Setting some time apart to reflect, effectively turns off autopilot and allows us to take control back again.
So, why not try it? Set a monthly 1:1 with yourself in your calendar, grab a Nespresso cup of coffee, put on some music, relax and enjoy answering some questions about you, for you.
I wonder how many words have actually been written about communication. Suffice it to say, there have been a great many. I suppose it is because we haven’t cracked it yet; this ability to convey messages so that what we say is heard in the way we mean it, and conversely, what we hear is received in the way it was meant. Indeed, the road to clarity always seems to be under construction.
Even if we try to simplify our communication processes, barriers come up that can sabotage the message and render it ineffective by the time it gets to those who must act on it. There are a lot of reasons for this. Here are four that come to mind:
There are many factors that make up what we refer to as “culture” but to me, cultural difference is about attitudes and beliefs that come from our personal environment and experience. As such, two people could get the same message but interpret it in two entirely different ways simply because their frames of reference and language differ.
Self-Help Book / Personal Development