By Susan Begeman Steiner
Honoring emotions is an important element in achieving Emotional Intelligence. And your moods – both “good” and “bad” -- are an important part of your emotional being. Learning to flow with your moods and be honest about them gives you more individual self-expression and even self-confidence.
Have you noticed that things go more smoothly when you are in the mood to do them? Traffic lights change to green and you find a great parking place when you’re in a good mood. And when you’re in a bad mood, seems like almost everything goes wrong?
Moods, good and bad, come in their own timing, so practically speaking, how can you capitalize on the good moods and mitigate the bad moods? Good moods are easy. Whenever possible, do things when you're in the mood to do them. Then you hit the green lights or, if you don't, you're not as likely to get upset about it. But what about the bad moods, when you just aren't in the mood to do something you have to do?
How can you get yourself in the mood to enjoy what you’re going to do? Here are 3 keys that can help:
By Marcel Schwantes
Are you a negative person? If you're at the point where you're seriously looking to shift to the positive, step one is to change your attitude and alter your perception about your current situation.
Since that may border on cliché, allow me to suggest a practical plan of action focused on three mental hacks that work. This will take some commitment and intent, but it's what the most positive people have mastered.
By Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Many popular magazines and websites offer various bullet-lists on how to improve your marriage through better “communication.” The same venues regularly feature weight loss bullet-lists. You probably know the research findings about the latter – they range from unhelpful to damaging. Research would likely show similar effects for any communication techniques that can be expressed in bullet-lists.
It’s not that communication tips are inherently bad. The better ones are like the better diet tips: eat less, move more; speak respectfully, listen attentively. They’re unhelpful because people do not communicate primarily by words but by emotional states. Brain imaging shows that we make judgments about what a person is saying based on emotional tone - body language, facial expressions, eye contact, level of distractedness, tone of voice - before the part of the brain that interprets the meaning of words is active.
By Marcel Schwantes
Does a high IQ contribute to success? Certainly. But not without hard work, experimentation, failing forward, and an undying devotion to self-improvement.
Take Elon Musk, one of the smartest people on the planet. The driving force behind Tesla, SpaceX, and OpenAI is never satisfied with where he is, and he knows that there's always room for improvement -- whatever the challenge he's tackling at the moment. But he takes the cake with this quote from a 2014 interview:
You should take the approach that you're wrong. Your goal is to be less wrong.
To Musk, being wrong (and failing) is always an option because if you're not, he says, you're not innovating enough.
This is what we call a growth mindset -- the ability to fail, learn something new, and then approach the problem from a different angle until you find a solution that works.
By Judith E. Glaser
I have yet to meet an executive who joins a company to be ‘minimized,’ marginalized or to be intentionally held back from making a contribution.
We join a company to make a difference, to make a contribution, to be praised and rewarded. We join a company to bring our voice to the table, and ‘lean into conversations’ so our voices join in the spirit of partnering with others to shape, create and co-create the future.
Neuroscience is teaching us that ‘self-expression’ might be one – if not the most important way for people to connect, navigate and grow with each other.
By Steffan Surdek, Pyxis Cultures
I talk a lot with those around me about co-creative leadership and collaboration. My team and I collaborate a lot with our clients, but not as often as we do with each other.
More often than not, you have the choice whether or not to collaborate. When you keep collaboration optional, you're allowing a way out for yourself, and you're likely to find a reason not to do it. But even though collaboration can be uncomfortable at first, the more you practice, the better you get at it.
My team and I still struggle to agree on certain things when we work together on something, but it's part of the fun of collaboration. It goes to show that even the so-called "experts" sometimes run into difficulty too!
Here are five ways you can allow yourself to be a voice among many in the conversation.
1. Have a clear goal.
To begin collaborating on something, you need a shared understanding of what you are trying to do. Without a clear and common goal, it's difficult to do anything as a team. The goal can be as simple as a statement everyone agrees on. You may find it more useful to have a list of three or four bulleted objectives as well.
For the next few weeks, as practice, observe the meetings you take part in. What's the purpose of the meeting? What happens when the purpose is clear, and what happens when it's missing? How do people take part in it?
By Susan Begeman Steiner
Energy drives progress, but what type of energy is the best? In the global conversation about the environment, we might argue the virtues of various forms of energy including solar, wind, geothermal, hydrogen, tidal, wave, hydroelectric or biomass.
But what about with people in the workplace? What is the most powerful energy there? Various sources of energy drive people’s behavior. In the past, the energy sources we’ve paid the most attention to have boiled down to either reinforcement (money, awards, recognition) or punishment (demotion, dismissal, public humiliation). These forms of energy work in the short-term, but their effectiveness diminishes in the long-term. ...Click 'Read More' below
By Susan Begeman Steiner
Have you ever had someone ask you what you are waiting for? if so, you know the meaning is clear: Get into action - stop wasting time!
Waiting has become synonymous with wasting time. We all dread the Limbo feeling of the doctor’s office waiting room. The magazines are boring, time slows down, have to get out your iPhone. Waiting seems a waste, an inconvenience, or worse, a slight – after all, important people don’t have to wait.
This waiting room phenomenon has colored our ability to wait in other parts of our lives.
Impatience keeps us distracted, in perpetual motion and on the surface level of life, like skipping stones.
This intolerance for waiting is a lack of appreciation for what waiting can actually bring.
Mechanically speaking, most people operate optimally if they wait for a “nudge” from the outside that they can say YES or NO to. When they say YES, they find themselves drawn to something -- think romance, inspiration, kismet. Something inside them rises up and is called forth. A sleeping desire is awakened, followed by an influx of energy to start something.
This is the Wow Factor of Life.
But if you are too busy being busy, it is not possible to wait. When the kismet thing happens, you are already gone, having run off to the next thing that you thought of, fueled by a fear of staying still for a moment. Kismet arrives like the movie hero who finally comes to his senses and knocks on his Love’s door, only to find that she took a job in Chicago.
Waiting requires patience, no way around it. But it is the patience of the acrobat on the flying trapeze who lets go in mid-air and waits to be caught by her partner. For her it is an exciting waiting, that endless moment until she is caught (or falls into the net).
We need to get better at waiting. We need to turn waiting from something that is boring into an exciting, endless moment of allowing. Allowing the next amazing thing to happen. This way you are home when your Love rings the bell. Something deeper can guide you and you are no longer dictated to by the Hurry Gods.
Three practices in the art of waiting:
For some of us it is best to tune into the invitations that come to us. But, whether you hear that inner voice or listen for invitations, the waiting is the same. Patience is the starting point.
Contact me if you would like to learn how you operate mechanically and learn for yourself how you can wait for the very best that life has to offer.
Get in touch if you would like to learn how you operate mechanically and learn for yourself how you can wait for the best life has to offer.
By Susan Begeman Steiner
Awareness is the parent of change. For example, when you are driving and aware that there is not a car coming up in the lane next to you (in your "blind spot"), you can choose to change lanes safely. In your personal life, if you are aware that a behavior of yours is keeping you from getting what you want, you can choose to change that behavior.
But without awareness, you simply have no choice, because you cannot see. You might pull into the next lane blindly and hit a car or continue acting in ways that are not in your best interest.
How can we learn to see what we cannot see in order to increase our personal awareness?
"Blind Spot" Remedy
Simple – Pay attention to the feedback you naturally get from others. Ask them for more information and consider what they say, instead of dismissing it or justifying your behavior.
More Difficult - Ask people you trust for specific feedback. This can be a scary thing to do. It takes courage to actually ask and sincerely desire an honest answer.
Zen Master – Be open to the feedback you get from people, but also the feedback you get from your life experiences. When something goes wrong, be bold enough to consider why this is happening to you and what there is for you to learn. Point the finger back at yourself. The attitude is that whatever is happening is for your growth and development. Learn from everything you can and keep growing.
Blind spots, once remedied, are opportunities to grow. At the very least you will have more information about yourself and how others perceive you. You alone can decide what changes to make based on the feedback you get.
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. -- Nathaniel Branden
by Suzie Doscher and Susan Begeman Steiner of The Coaching Group of Switzerland
Confidence is a hot topic in business. Usually people worry about having too little confidence because that makes it difficult to take action in many situations. These are some areas where confidence (or lack thereof) show up:
It takes confidence to say 'no'
You need a certain amount of confidence to deal with the possible consequences of saying ‘no’. Without enough confidence, you probably won’t risk this, even if it could lead to good consequences.
So confidence is great, right? But what about when you are over-confident?
Results of having too much confidence:
As with confidence, every ‘good’ trait has a dark side. That leaves us in a balancing act between too little and too much. Finding that balance in each moment is where awareness comes in. Knowing and being honest with yourself with help raise your awareness.
Self-Help Book / Personal Development