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Staying calm and grounded requires certain behaviors that feed being calm and grounded.

Each person will have his/her own requirements to feel calm and grounded.
The actions you need to take are unique to you and will most likely differ from those others need to take.
Just as each person has his/her own interpretation of success, each person has an individual feeling calmness and being grounded. Listen to yourself to know what is best for you.

Based on my own personal experience, this also changes depending on age:
When I was 30, my focus was very different to 40.

• At 30 I was focused on creating my family and being a wife and mother.
• At 40 I was involved with my children’s education and day to day life. I was not thinking of my goals. I did not really have any beyond my children’s wellbeing and development.
• At 50 I noticed that I had to get to know myself much better and feeling at peace and fulfilled became my goal. I found my purpose late but am thrilled it involves supporting others to grow.
• Turning 60 was fabulous as I had completely grown into my skin by then and was more than happy to focus on my core values and needs and knew exactly what grounds me and offers me that wonderful sense of calm.
• Approaching 70, my new goal is answering the question, "How do I want this next chapter of my life to look and feel?"

I have no complaints or regrets and admire the younger people I work with on their personal development while achieving and striving for their goals. I was never like that but love how my life was and is moving forward.  

You will know what is right for you. Follow your heart and remember that you cannot take anything with you. No matter what you achieve and how much you earn, how you feel along the way is just as important. 

By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development, Self-help author since 2014. 

Photo credit: Pexels

These are a sample of options you have when in need of some stress relief:

• Take a break and leave the room. Find a quiet space, even the loo will do.  
• Compose yourself by taking at least 3 breaths. As you exhale, imagine a little bit of the tension leaving your body. (I find visualizing a dark cloud dissipating helpful.)
• Gather your thoughts.  
• Keep your focus on exactly what has been going on that is causing you the stress. Is it the task itself? How about more basic such as hunger or the space around you?
• Does it will involve another person or people… What is missing?  
• Once you know specifically what has thrown you out of balance, think about what can you do now to influence the situation.
• Consider all the steps required to find a solution. Make a list, if only a mental list.  
• What can you do today, right now?  Arrange your list in terms of priority. What has to be done first, then what?  
• Consider the practicalities of your action plan. Is it realistic? Have you the time?  
• Do you need advice or support? If so, whose?  
• Fine-tune the steps you consider necessary to resolve the situation. Keep things realistic to avoid feeling pressure.
• Having thought things through you may find the problem has changed in perspective. Adjust the plan accordingly.

It is most import to ensure that any action you propose to take is in keeping with your personality and can be executed in a style that suits you.
 
by Suzie Doscher, Executive and Life Coach, Self-Help Author 
Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments 
3rd editon out now in any Amazon store worldwide 
Narrated by Suzie Doscher on Audible and iTunes.

Photo by Shutterstock

Listen to excerpts from the Audiobook:
​Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments by Suzie Doscher
​iTunes or Audible

Remember that life is complicated and can be more difficult at times. Sometimes it feels like a rollercoaster ride! Cleaning your life up, getting rid of the deadwood, and finding your place of balance forms a wonderful grounding foundation to build on. Feeling you are in balance is the best, most powerful place to work from and a place to come back to when things are difficult. Being familiar with the feeling of being in balance allows you to know exactly what you want to get back to. This also offers you the goal to strive for. Life will always contain difficult times. Trusting yourself to handle these difficult times gives you the confidence to deal with them.
 
If your life feels like it is a mess and you are ready to take some action, there are many different approaches to consider. Support from a professional or wise friend, meditation, spiritual beliefs, sometimes even just taking a “time out” holiday is incredibly beneficial. Find the option that suits your personality and lifestyle best. You are looking to be more grounded in the present, calmer, which will offer more clarity.
 
You are more likely to stay on track with making the necessary changes with a realistic clear mind.
 
To get yourself on track to feeling better and living the kind of life you wish for, ask yourself:

An assumption is a thought or conclusion drawn when someone says or does something. It is a reaction.  You do not have the full picture or asked any questions yet to be able to make an informed decision.  Conclusions are often based on assumptions which could be incorrect. They are not backed up by fact yet treated as the truth. 
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Assumptions have the potential to confuse a situation, and everyone involved. For example, silence or nodding does not always mean the person agrees. They could be simply acknowledging they heard you.  They might not agree yet in that moment are not ready to comment. 
​
You cannot  know if what you are assuming is the truth unless you ask questions to get more information and clarification. Listen carefully and ask questions if you are not sure or need further information to form an opinion.

Core values are personal to each individual. They can be described as your code of ethics, your fundamental principles, your standards, or personal rules. I like to refer to them as the bricks you build your foundation on. Knowing what you truly value in life, what makes you feel fulfilled and gives you a sense of meaning, connects you to your true self and is an important part of your personal development.
 
Core values are about YOU – not what society, the media, your education, your colleagues and friends or family deem as important, or of value, but what is important to you, what you value.
 
Stress tends to set in when you are not treating these values with the respect they deserve.
 
Not respecting your core values means you are not respecting your true self. In turn your self-esteem could suffer, which of course in turn decreases the quality of your day-to-day life. When the feeling of being calm and peaceful is present, and the quality of day-to-day life is high, you feel good about yourself and who you are. Your self-esteem and self-worth benefit from this.

Caroline Myss, a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness and mysticism, says, “Being able to speak and live with the truth, your truth, means you have to become comfortable with having your power, be comfortable with all that is true about you, all that is beautiful about yourself, this is being okay with yourself.”
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Consider the Core Values Process I offer as a gift to yourself.
The focus can be on your life, your overall life which would include your career, your career alone or your leadership values (this is a great exercise to do as a new leader or to update your existing leadership skills aligning them with your personality). 

by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach, Life Coaching - Focusing on Personal Development, Self-help Author: Balance - a Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments
​Photo credit: Shutterstock

An assumption is a thought or conclusion drawn when someone says or does something. It is a reaction.  You do not have the full picture or asked any questions yet to be able to make an informed decision.  Conclusions are often based on assumptions which could be incorrect and not backed up by fact yet treated as the truth. 
​
Assumptions have the potential to confuse a situation, and everyone involved. For example, silence or nodding does not always mean the person agrees. They could be acknowledging they heard you but do not agree yet in that moment are not ready to comment. 
​
You cannot  know if what you are assuming is the truth unless you ask questions to get more information and clarification. Listen carefully and ask questions if you are not sure or need further information to form an opinion.

The brain is wired to keep you safe and fulfill your core needs such as nutrition, shelter, community, pleasure, reproduction, and emotional expression. This establishes an idea of where you are, who and 

In my own life one of the important realizations was that balance is possible and it was mine if I wanted it. What followed was a fair amount of self-reflection, openness, and honesty with myself. Setting aside time to explore my definition of balance, by questioning what was missing and what I was already doing successfully, was time well spent. Since then, I have a good grasp on the various elements of day-to-day life. For me personally knowing my heart and mind are working together is what keeps me balanced. The sense of calm, of being grounded and clearheaded, motivates me to keep my life in balance.

Choosing to create balance will reflect in these six areas of your life:

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Social
• Financial
• Spiritual 

You have a goal, but are worried you will not achieve it.  So many issues are popping up that need dealing with, obstacles and other unexpected ‘stuff’ keeps interfering with your daily plan and / or overall daily structure. Stress kicks in, which means focusing is harder and so less is achieved … sound familiar?
 
All of these thoughts and mind chatter do not have to result in your getting off track or losing sight of your goal.  The trick  is to take charge of your thinking and push the ‘reset’ button. By this I mean, ‘reset’ the moment, not the direction you are heading or the goal you intend to achieve. 

Resetting the moment means handling whatever is causing you stress. Stress is an emotional issue and will not vanish with the flick of a switch in your brain. Unless, of course, you already....

Change is not easy, nor simple.  If you have been told you should change, but are not really convinced that this is true, you are more likely to fail at completing the process.  Personally, I recognize the process to be complete when I no longer remember ‘what I was like before.’  Someone still in denial about the need to change will not get very far.

Chances are there will always be excuses in the form of: I do not have the time for this right now, I am busy, I already know how to…, it is not my fault, you do not understand, ‘a leopard cannot change its spots,’ I am too old, etc.

Change can only really happen if you are ready to take action. 
Research shows that 90% of the strategies designed for change assume people are ready to take action. In reality, only 20% of the people already involved in some process of change are actually ready to take action. This helps explain why so many attempts to keep New Year's resolutions, lose weight, change behaviours, etc, are doomed to failure.

It is most helpful and supportive and will increase your chances of successfully completing a 

I was standing by the lake one windy morning watching the waves crash up against some rocks and the ripple effect that followed. The wave hit one area and cascaded long the others closer to where I was standing. It was beautiful, full of energy and at the same time made me realize that this can be translated into how one negative thought tends to release a series of more negative ones. This seems to happen to ‘feed’ or confirm the first one. I have found that negative thoughts hate being alone ... they look for company. 

In my own personal experience as well working professionally in the arena of personal growth and development, I all too often witness how this unfolds.

I am not a therapist or neuroscientist so cannot speak scientifically. Having said that I have enough evidence after 16 years of working in this area to be able to say the patterns are there. 

It strikes me that our minds do not like to give up the negative thoughts. Our brain looks for further thoughts to confirm this 'truth'. The thought might be far from true now in our actual present-day ​reality, yet we treat it as absolute truth in our thinking. From what I witness, these beliefs come from emotions, more often than not emotions from the past, even the recent past (the last job, last relationship). Our behaviour follows our thinking, so our behaviour will act upon what we think and therefore believe.

by Suzie Doscher
Coaching for Personal Growth and Development: Life Coaching and Executive Coach, Self-Help Author

Photo credit: Pexels and Shutterstock

I remember doing a Self-Esteem exercise while I was studying to become a coach. What I loved about the Noble Manhattan Coaching training was that we had to do all work on ourselves. Talk about furthering your own personal growth and development. I loved the changes that I was making to my own behaviour patterns as I was learning how to apply them professionally.

15 years later I still believe it to be the best coach training even if I had not become a professional coach. The benefits from doing the work for myself improved the quality of my personal and professional life no end and still does.

Just as life is constantly changing, the brain is constantly changing. It is through repetition that thinking patterns and consequently behaviour patterns, can be shifted, tweaked, changed or completely replaced with more positive empowering ones. Through repetition the brain rewires itself. 

Science has proven the brain can rewire itself. This is fantastic news especially for anybody wishing to improve the quality of their life and engaging the support of a coach for this 'change' process.  Making, and more importantly sustaining, any changes in thinking or in behaviour patterns, would be very difficult, if not impossible, without this scientific truth. Knowing this offers coaching clients not only motivation but also confidence to continue on the path to 'change', which sometimes can be a difficult one.

The reason "Just think positive" drives me crazy is that in order to really "think positive," a positive mind-set is necessary. Even naturally positive thinkers can have moments of drifting off into negative thoughts. But their strength is to return to a more positive approach rather than get trapped in the negative place of doom and gloom.

To 'just think positive' it is indeed necessary to have a positive mind-set.

Of course changing your mind-set or perspective from negative to positive is brilliant advice. It is the expectation that this can happen in a flash that drives me crazy. It is not as if you can flick a switch in your mind.

Based on research in the field of neuroscience, stress activates a stress response in the body. One of these responses is that cognitive resources, such as focus and clear, rational thinking, are depleted. It is a fact that when stressful emotions kick in, cognitive resources are the first to be disrupted. Emotions overpower thinking in that moment.

By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach and Life Coaching focusing on Personal Development, 
Self-Help Author
​
You have a goal, but are worried you will not achieve it.  So many issues are popping up that need dealing with, obstacles and other unexpected ‘stuff’ keeps interfering with your daily plan and / or overall daily structure. Stress kicks in, which means focusing is harder and so less is achieved … sound familiar?
 
All of these thoughts and mind chatter do not have to result in you getting off track or losing sight of your goal.  The trick  is to take charge of your thinking and push the ‘reset’ button. By this I mean, ‘reset’ the moment, not the direction you are heading or the goal you intend to achieve. 

Resetting the moment means handling whatever is causing you stress. Stress is an emotional issue and will not vanish with the flick of a switch in your brain. Unless, of course, you already....

by Katie Santamaria
What’s your most cherished value? We all have driving forces that keep us inspired and motivated, whether it’s supporting our loved ones, giving to those in need, finding fulfillment in our work, or making a difference in our community. 
​
Determining your most cherished value and using it to your advantage can drastically change your approach to your work, infusing you with additional internal motivation, says Rebecca Greenbaum, Ph.D., professor of human resource management at Rutgers University’s School of Management and Labor Relations.

That’s where value triggers come in. Value triggers are items that represent something that matters deeply to you — for example, ...

by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach and Life Coach focusing on Personal Development, Self-Help Author

​Coaching your team? 
​Add this skill to your coaching style – being non-judgmental.
​There is an abundance of articles on being a coach to your people. I enjoy reading the quality information provided by the Harvard Business Review.  
The desire to increase, enhance or maintain the quality of work, and in some cases even the quality of life at work, is evident.

The article in the HBR: Most Managers Don’t Know How to Coach. But They Can Learn, offers wonderful insights on what coaching is all about and aims to achieve.
Your responsibilities include leading, motivating, inspiring and with your coaching you hope to further their growth, development and enhance their skills.

​By Suzie Doscher
​Learning how to respond to a situation rather than just reacting to it brings huge rewards. Needless to say, it is one of those behaviour changes that is easier said than done. However it can be achieved.

Responding rather than reacting means you will have taken time to consider the situation and which response and consequent outcome best suits you. 
 
The difference between reacting and responding:​

• To respond means you are able to influence your emotions in the moment when something has triggered them. You are able to stop yourself from saying or doing something you might regret. 
• You stop yourself long enough until your emotions have settled down and you can think clearly.

By Marcel Schwantes
Are you a negative person? If you're at the point where you're seriously looking to shift to the positive, step one is to change your attitude and alter your perception about your current situation.
​
Since that may border on cliché,​ allow me to suggest a practical plan of action focused on three mental hacks that work. This will take some commitment and intent, but it's what the most positive people have mastered.

The BALANCE Handbook helps you with difficult moments.
This book is about change and finding balance in life.
Read it when you feel vulnerable and unsure of yourself.
 
This book will help you find new opportunities, learn new behaviors and life skills to become the best version of yourself. 

Handle everyday problems more effectively and improve the quality of your life and the life of those around you.
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Take the time to invest in yourself before you find yourself off balance. Strengthen your weaknesses before they rule your life.

This 2nd Edition Handbook now includes the Interactive Workbook for Self-Coaching.  With the journaling in the Workbook you explore your goals, where you stand now and the issues from the past holding you back.
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Buy your bookook today and start bringing more balance into your life.
Available in Paperback, Kindle, Audiobook at Amazon stores
​or Audiobook alone Audible or iTunes